Sometimes I entertain a wish of being normal.
I can pretend good enough to fool people (sometimes).
But never good enough to fool myself.
Sometimes I entertain a wish of companionship.
To have someone who's like me.
Then I realize, I'm too fucked up to ever have that.
And asking for a friend is social suicide.
All the suicides I'm thinking of committing
It's pretty interesting.
I think I'm drawn to social suicide, inexorably. And always have been, always will be.
But however much I talk about dropping the mask, I never do.
My tongue faster than my thought, render me unhappiness.
I'm a loner. Yet I seek pure belonging.
Only found it in my childhood.
Because people talk too much shit.
It's like a sinking ship, people pushing down others under the surface to save themselves.
Why can't everyone just tolerate eachother. You don't have to like eachother, just please, maybe care atleast a tiny bit?
I'm alone. Don't know how much by own choice.
But seriously, whatever lame explanations I come up with, I don't feel any real connection to anyone. Maybe one person, a little. To be honest. Where are the real connections?
Wanna meet someone else who can be less serious about this we call life.
Someone who doesn't get offended, who doesn't care what people think, who doesn't hold grudges, who doesn't dislike/hate. See through the game.
Most will get seriously offended if I write/say what I honestly think of them and go all drama queen on me. As I said earlier, I'm an expert on social suicide.
Everyone who has read this: if you think you can handle the truth, just ask me to say what I honestly think. I ask nothing less of you, cause I'm tired of all whispers behind backs.
My opinion and my affection are two separate things. What I think of people doesn't really affect my relationship with them, my feelings. Contradictory? Well, if you haven't noticed yet, I don't really think in the same way others do.
The more sides of reality you discover, the more you realize how insignificant some things are. How insignificant people's thoughts about you are. So why get offended?
Truth. An opiate. Please overdose.
Altered perception of reality - play with your mind cause it's definitely playing with you. Most people get lost in that game.
The unexpected never happens when you're aware of the fact that anything could happen.
Don't shut up and smile. Be everything you can be, want to be.
Someone who wants to share my insanity?
Many fear insanity, it's social suicide.
I'm amazed in the many ways people get offended. I'm like waow.
I usually never feel offended. You know why?
I always feel like the offender. Even if it's not true.
So familiar with taking blame now.
I don't mind. I should have a sign saying "Hi, need someone to blame? I'm the person you're looking for!"
A trash can for all uncomfortable feelings. A recycling bin.
To me those things don't matter anymore.
I've seen other worlds and realized the insignificance of feeling offended.
Keep living in petitess-mindness if that is pleasing.
Words fall flat.
Lips of unconsciousness.
Unintentional wrongs (too many now, not funny anymore, for goddess sake, I don't mean to harm anyone, if you take offense that's your fucking problem, if you feel better, fine, dump guilt and blame on me and hate me, im still neutral/love you)
NEUROTIC SHAKING
Genius is to be aware of the cage, not think oneself outside of it.
You don't help people with words. The truth is. You can't help anyone but yourself.
I'll be gone. Tokyo ni ikimasu.
In a year.
Love people who can laugh at themselves. Stop being so frickin serious.
I don't really want to commit social suicide. Don't want to be more alone than I already am. Don't want to go to school tomorrow.
"I forever ever wanna get caught up in believing, music is my freedom yeah, till I'm dead on the dance floor"
"You can't sell me sanity. There's no cure for me."
