3.31.2008

As happy as a 1950's TV family


The Rocket Summer - "TV Family"

Just a calendar day (ba ba ba ba)
it's funny how things can stay the same
or drastically change
some things seem so close on some days but still so far away
don't know the right things to do (ba ba ba ba)
in fact i don't have a clue sometime i feel like a tool
and i want to be truthfully true to you
and do all the things that you do
but when i hate everything about the mean things that i say
it feels like i mess up so much and i can only say
"i hate everything about my ways"
but you tell me i'm OK
and one day one day i know you'll say

"B i'm so glad you made it"
"oh well Jesus thank you so much for saying that"
because the truth you know is that i have just been hating so many things i do
but now i realize forever that you're my friend
no matter what you will never leave me to fend
i don't know much but i know we will be
as happy as a 1950's TV family
except times infinity

two calendar days (ba ba ba ba)
and still my life is the same
and other people's have changed
i wonder what if i'm too late
all the time that i said i would just wait?
and yeah does anyone care
about us here or anywhere?
well i just want to try and dare
to be there, to care 'cause i know- i know that's rare
but when i hate everything about the mean things that i say
it feels like i mess up so much and i can only say
"i hate everything about my ways"
but you tell me i'm OK
and one day one day i know you'll say

"B i'm so glad you made it"
"oh well Jesus thank you so much for saying that"
because the truth you know is that i have just been hating so many things i do
but now i realize forever that you're my friend
no matter what you will never leave me to fend
i don't know much but i know we will be
as happy as a 1950's TV family
except times infinity

a family that i will be in
a family - it's just not pretend
a family that i will be in, a family

i don't know much but i know we will be
happy as a 1950's TV family..
except times infinity
just a calendar day.

3.27.2008

Do you feel?


Do you feel
the weight of the world
singing sorrow
or to you it's just not real?

The irrelevance of things. The future.
What will happen? Who will I be, where will I be, what will I do?
Where do I fit in? What is my task?

I want to be in Japan, in Tokyo. Miss it so much that the missing turns in to physical pain. Whole body aching of longing.
I belong there.

The mysterious nature, beckoning dimly lit lanterns outside the meiji temple gates, a winding road to wherever you want to be. Tranquil temple grounds, ancient wisdom hidden in its secrets, birdsong and sakura-adorned gardens, the sense of kami surrounding you.
Happy shouting at the ramen place, slurping from a huge bowl of deliciousness, amazing soft, white rice (plentitude!), sushi, sashimi and maki melting on the tongue (uni!). Getting lost and spending all your money in Shibuya, karaoke at Shibuya main street Center Gai, screaming and chugging beer. Walking down Takeshita Dori in Harajuku, mouth agape at the amazing, inividual styles people have, admiring their whole appearance. Gothic Lolita stores: glitter, sparkle, flowers, lace, candy, chocolate, sugary cakes and cream, strawberrys, cuddly bears and cutie animals, keroro, neko-chan and everything everywhere just so kawaii (to die for!)
Technology, the trains always on time. Take me to my dreams.
The politeness, the constant flow of phrases, exchanging respect and politeness (arigato gozaimashita!) Bowing. School uniforms. Cool jap haircuts, hair styling.
Umbrella culture. Anime.
Green tea. MILK TEA! Milk tea changed my life.
Stores open every day, and really late aswell, you can go out anytime and buy what you want. Don't have to worry about opening hours. Opening hours in Sweden sucks fucking ass. Maybe if we had the same service-minded stores open every day and 24/7 maybe we wouldn't have as much unemployment. Another great thing with Japan: unemployment is low, close to non-existent, since there's always a job to be done.
Onsen. Stay all day, all night even. Soaking in the hot spring water, herbal steam sauna, saltscrub, treatments, massage, walking around in your yukata. Shiseido. Pampering. Manicure. Crazy nails!
Sleeping on futon. Tatami mats. Eating at low tables. Chopsticks!
Standing on the left side of escalators, always nodding with a shy smile, letting those beside you pass first. The warm towels to clean your hands on before a meal on restaurants (why don't we have that in Sweden?? Sweden is a filthy country in comparison). Cute manga pics everywhere, instead of a dull sign they have almost all instructions as kawaii manga chars.
Their cute obsession with french style pastries and everything from 19th century Europe. Piano notes drifting out from car parks or stores, filling the more fancy streets (was mostly thinking of Motomachi) with 19th century upper-class France feeling. The jewel box tune trinkling out every full hour in Motomachi (think One Missed Call). The giant crows eating chihuahuas. Breathtaking views. Munching deliciousness and watching old japanese people playing some complicated crocket game.
Sake and kanpai! I'm more japanese than any other nationality. Everything in their culture appeals to me. Except maybe natto, aduki bean paste and pickles. Japanese music isn't very good either, but I let it slip since it's kinda kawaii anyways.

Safe and protected beside you.
Unconditional friendship.
Together in heaven & hell.

I belong in Japan.
Can't see how I will survive my last year on IB in Sweden.
Without those who graduate now. And with the memories of last week in my heart. The pain of missing completeness. Japan is my home, my soul is japanese, by not being there, a part of me is missing. (Now more than ever, since I've experienced what it's like to be there)
Going back! HAI!

I got a manga drawing from the japanese school girl sitting next to me on the flight from Narita to Vienna. Looking at it now puts a smile on my face.
So beautiful.
A bittersweet smiles.
And tears.

3.26.2008

A waking dream: notes from Japan


Didn't have time enough to post on the blog so this is like a short version of what I've been up to in Japan, far from everything, from notes I wrote each day (seriously, my memory is that bad). Just to give you a taste. The summing up of everything I'm missing right now (home again) is coming in the next post, wrote it all on the airplane.

Yodobashi: 7 floors of technology. I want a cell phone like the ones here!! And pimp them with all the cutie stuff you can put on!! I want I want!! And the Mac Books, it's not that expensive, if you compare to what it costs in Europe, but the price is still more than I can manage. The Air Mac Book is amazing, I'm definitely saving up for one of those... Or just wishing for one as Christmas gift... Hmm.. Anyways, hoping to find some tax-free importable stuff that can be adapted to Western standards in Akihabara.
otaku! otaku! akihabara - the geeky nerd ghetto number one, technology and manga heaven.
after the yodobashi place in Yokohama, i went off in Minatomirai, to look at the shopping mall in the Queen towers. Disappointment. Just expensive upscale stores for like elderly people. only old ladies going around shopping there. went to the landmark tower and to a book/music store (tsutaya). bought anime, gothic lolita and pop teen magazines, hehehe, fashion inspiration. the shojo mega magazines are amazing, i wanted to buy all of them. going to buy more in akihabara - not only technology heaven, also heaven for all anime otakus.
Went up in the landmark tower, looked at the amazing view, you can see all over Yokohama, plus a bit into Tokyo (the buildings disappear in the horizon, no end to the civilization), usually you're supposed to be able to see Fuji-san, but the smog blurred the horizon too much. (I never got to see Fuji-san!!)
sitting up there in the tower, looking out at the big big world, and bittersweet anime music playing in the background (i just had to buy the cd), i felt so incredibly small, kinda overwhelming how brilliant it all is... all the people out there, going about their business, millions and millions, billions. no end. rushing, living. i think i was sad, cause we are so much more than ourselves, and still we are never able to connect with that, we only see our own lowlife problems and never think of the greater whole, how big the world is, how insignificant we are as individuals (and still we are all we have, there is no one else, so alone, I am my own world, its all in the mind, almost.) Just mindblowing.
want to download japanese music so badly!! jpop is just funny, jrock can actually be good. just to immerse myself in the culture even more.. want to post all photos and the purikura pics...
grocery shopping is so fun, everything is superfresh and you can find all sorts of freakishness, love it. and they're so good with the packaging, everything looks nice or cute or really cool.

Akihabara - slight disappointment but i found out afterwards where i really should have gone which was the anime center, missed out completely on that. i bought a yukata, geta and tabi at Laox so it was still worth it. plus i got to see some of the extraordinary technology they have, for everything. i was crying cause i couldnt buy the cell phones.
Asakusa - waow, i should have gone here the first day, like a huge gate into this street with beautiful sakura ornaments and lots of merchant stalls selling everything touristy you could wish for. the senso-ji temple was too crowded, but this was before i saw kamakura and meiji so i still thought it was kinda nice. bought a random prayer to hang in the prayer rack. it said something about meeting a wealthy person that would help me. heh.
Chinatown then shopping in shibuya. Lots of shopping, never tire of it. but this day it was mostly g buying stuff. i only bought nars striptease lipgloss and orgasm rouge. found all the cool places in shibuya and met some gangsta people:
"you're a rocker, arent yah"
like "hell yeh dude"
"so you like elvis an tha kinda stuff?"
"nah man, tha's too old school for me"
Tokyo national museum was very nice, a little smaller than i thought, but found really nice paintings by Hokusai, and the kimonos were simply beautiful.
Office view from g's dad's office - imperial palace (not very interesting, not even the garden, but seeing it from here atleast spared me from going there and geting disappointed) and Manouchi (the business area of Tokyo, uptown place with lost of suits running around, cool to see it like this). Would have loved an office view like that haha... Lunch with g's parents at a really nice restaurant. Tempura, noodles, miso soup.
Can't really keep track of which days I did what but yeh...
Onsen with g's mum, so amazingly relaxing. I love onsen!! Just lay around and chill in hot spring water, soak for hours, talking about nothing. Salt scrub, herbal steam sauna, sitting down at the beautiful wooden stools to shower with creamy shiseido shower lotion, treatments, Dr Fish, thai-massage, shiatsu, all other kinds of massage, zipping around in your yukata, traditional japanese food buffet, sitting down at low tables, sake (kanpai!), back to the hot springs. Pure Pampering.
Feel a constant craving for sushi and nice white rice. want some sweet sake too. wont be able to go back to sweden. will not be able to eat either rice or sushi there.
ill miss all this too much.

Kamakura - seriously i wanna live there, the most beautiful and tranquil place I've ever been to, its better than Rivendell. the amazing wooden temples, simple yet so enchanting, the mysterious nature surrounding it all, climbing in the mountains, kami shrines, incense and flower offerings at the graves... This is like living in the Otori Tales. (and if you haven't read the Otori tales you should!)

Ramen - only around 60SEK for a HUGE bowl of ramen, whatever kind of topping you want. and slurp as much as you can, that's how ramen is supposed to be eaten. the people who were cooking (they were all standing right behind the counter you ate at) shouted happy encouragements to eachother, clapped their hands and whatnot, have no idea what they shouted but it sounded really happy. you got top mood just by sitting there listening to them while slurping.
After Ramen place we went karaoke. Basically not so much about the singing (don't worry about your singing voice, everyone just shouts and screams anyway) but more about the chugging of beer or "cow piss" (kaupis?). CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! XD Then again, it dependend on who you went there with. With fun guys, karaoke was hilarious. (yeh we went karaokeing three times)

sankeien - beautiful traditional gardens - just taking some photos (putting them up somwhere, myspace maybe), encountering a geisha on one of the red bridges, and finding my dream home. Unfortunately it was some sort of preserved War Lord's place and i suppose they wont sell historical artifacts.

meiji-jingu: mighty, very mighty. liked this temple very much, just because of the mysterious air, magical forest surrounding it (yoyogi park), the dimly lit lantern beckoning just outside the gate at dusk...

"The night was uneasy, even the weather didn't want tomorrow to come"

Harajuku bridge (jingu-bashi) - failed taking photos of all the cool people there. too many gaijins littering about, clicking cameras and looking stupid. didn't want to be a part of that so joined in the murmurs of passing natives "gaijin baka ne". too shy to ask if i could take pictures too.
Ginza - just expensive, not my favourite place in Tokyo.
Sukiyaki - extremely delicious, definitely one of the best food experiences here!

Uni is my favourite sushi.

Last day was shopping and eating ALOT at World Porters (shopping center) in Yokohama. Packing all my stuff, had to borrow an old hobo suitcase since i didn't have enough space in the one i brought. easter dinner with family, interesting to see people get drunk (akvavit!). karaoke in shibuya (again). what i enjoyed most at karaoke (take of your shirts!!) was Red hot and fall out boy haha XD and ofcourse the last song, the last song is always the best one, people are drunk, semi-naked and screaming worse than ever. wondering if stina had the same karaoke experience with kana? heh
No sleep.
Early up to sunlit YCAT bus trip to Narita.
Half-asleep. Hungover.
Sushi breakfast at Narita.
I suck at goodbyes.

3.17.2008

Meet me on the bridge in Harajuku


Ok. So Harajuku it was. ;D
Love that place. Went back there today and going back next sunday for photos of all the gorgeous people. Favourite store is a gothic lolita place with sugary sweet kawaiiness all over. Keki earrings, sweetness, princess tiara, pinkness, reeses peanut butter cup lip balm, yummyness. Haven't bought any clothes though. Oh yeh, today I bought a leather jacket, bikermodel, one I've been longing for forever and ever...
Otherwise it is kinda touristy in harajuku...
Love the punky thingys though.
And Kiddyland on Omotesando - have to say I was a little disappointed, had expected more. But yeh, toys are toys. I still haven't found the perfect plushie!! I want a kawaii little monster.
Bought a keroro head to have on the head, hehe. And me S, K and A went PURIKURA!! YAY!! haha, me love. pimp photos. I'm so doing it again. We first met at the Hachiko statue, a statue of the faithful dog who, after his master died still went to the same place for 25 years. Beautiful story.
I found freaky sunglasses! Perfect with pink hair.

Meet me on the bridge in Harajuku. We can dress up and play chess, our hearts in the game. Framed in photos, picture perfect pretty pretty. Eating pink sugary macarons, picnic by the cherry blossom. Dance with me, to the soundtrack of traintrack whispers.

Im never getting pissed drunk ever again.

Shibuya is amazing. Just too big to explore in one day. Love the clothes here. Going here more.

Tomorrow (I suck at planning) I've thought of Chinatown and Minato Mirai since that's kinda close to here. Just look around. And yeh. Wanna see Akihabara.

Have to write a schedule I think.

Every train station has a signum signal, so you know where to get off (if you learn them) if you're asleep. I saw someone sneeze on the train today!! Everyone says that's like a huge taboo, but no one minded. At least it looked like no one minded. It's so funny that you put the money in a little pot whatever when you're paying for something, you never give the money directly to the person behind the counter.
Japanese hamburgers are gross. Tempura plus hot sake is amazing. I love sashimi and sushi. I love the sweet, overdecorated french style cakes they have here, kawaii.
Have to go to comic stores and record shops, music and comics, hell yeah.
Every decent store has at least four floors, and at every floor they play different music, fucking confusing - you know you're alive.
Clothes in 109 in Shibuya (and generally the styles available) are either gangsta bitch, hippie stoner, or really kawaii. Kinda weird. Alot of people seem to be stoners, and they dont mind flashing with it. The cutest ever is the tops where they have english prints on, fucking hilarious texts, they dont know proper english at all so it gets very wrong. "When I'm very hard I make smile" something like that. Or "achieve smile is good". S was about to buy one but she didnt. She has a photo of one though so check her facebook.

x's

3.15.2008

I'm a getaway car for real feelings


"People need to hate me because they hate themselves. They want to believe the rumors about me because they don't have their own rumors. I'm here to stay, with my diamond rims and pink lipstick, so get used to it and worry about yourself before you try and be negative towards me.
I'm a getaway car for real feelings. I'm your Miss Methamphetamine, the truth shoved up your nose. Smile, with your gasoline teeth and forced empathy. Let me be the one thing that makes your heart break because you can't help it. You need someone like me to make you feel wrong. "

"I don't expect you to leave me the fuck alone, to erase the word enigma from your minds and think me unimportant. I can hope, but we all hope for silly things, don't we?"

"I want out of the labels. I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. A story. I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map. A real adventure. A sphinx. A mystery. A blank. Unknown. Undefined."

See. People tell me their relationships with me is kinda fucked up and crazy. Hey, I'm different noobs. I am crazy, I am fucked up.
Not my problem if you think I'm an "eye sore" or w/e.
Deal with it.

I live the way I live, look the way I look. And I love it.

Yesterday was fucking crunkness: booze - (alot and fast) + wiiieeeeed - (not much and can't really remember) (drunk/gone long before that). Love that people don't know me here. It's so fun without fucking stuckup people who cant let go of themselves and do crazy shit.
But today I decided not to drink. Didn't feel like it. Someone else did though, and it was kinda epic.
22 shots. One each second minute.
There we go.

Judge me then fuckers. See if I care. Might write angry stuff to you here though. Even though no one is reading it. (för min egen skull)
Cause people never listen.

Yamashita park and Motomachi - just some random looking around. It's so beautiful here!! And everything and everyone is so cute!! I've found my future home, cause you can bet I'm staying here forever!!
As a Gaijin (outlandish people), people stare alot at you, especially gaijins with pink hair.
Eating on the street (while walking, you know it's like a huge part of Western culture, eating on the run) is totally shameful here. So don't do it.
Still you're forgiven for alot, since you're a gaijin and not supposed to know all the social rules, which are fucking complicated.
Japan is all about stylishness, or as G says "men looking gay". He doesnt like their skinny jeans and fashionable t-shirts. I love it!! And I love their hair. I want it. Dark, perfect japanese hair.
And another thing. All bad things come from Gaijins. People dont lock their bikes here for example, japanese people dont steal (says who), its only the gaijins who steal. Which I think, still doesnt make it ok to steal a bike just because you're a gaijin and not supposed to know any better.
Think some not even lock their houses.
And it's fucking warm!! I love it!! So wonderful walking around without a jacket, without heavy winter clothes. Ah, freedom.
Longing for Tokyo. Might go there tomorrow?
We'll see.
As for now, I hope you all are well, write me emails, I wanna have the updates from whats happening in your lives.
Love you all
(a special hug to my wonderful sisters, next time we're going here, it's the three of us, power trio on shopping adventures in Tokyo - sounds pretty awesome huh?)
xxx