She sheds her skin like a snake

On the dirty to road to fame, dirty road to fame. You'll have to make out for yourselves who it is I am talking about. Come to think of it, it can be many persons.

We swallow our ideals in the face of duty. Literally. It's odd business growing up and getting to know yourself.

A person's room is a reflection of their personality.At least that's what I think. And I love my beautiful sanctuary of a room. Everything out there is sort of a reflection of self, since it is our ideas we see when we look at things.

All the words I write I forget in an instant. The memories and feelings are harder to forget. And it's hard to reach some people. They're just closed, or maybe they don't know how to connect. Maybe their mind tentacles got burned and withdrew or maybe they never learned or maybe they just don't feel like connecting.

This is going to sound smug, but I'm a fucking nice person! Haha. And the bad sides I have occasionally come from insecurities. When I'm nervous or anxious to please, I misbehave or become really obnoxious. It's interesting isn't it.

Right now there's a person in my head that maybe shouldn't be there. It's not the usual unhealthy obsession. He's just really fascinating. He radiates a positive energy that draws me in. And I'm curious. I want to know who he is behind that gorgeous smile. It makes me sad to think that maybe he doesn't want to let me in, doesn't want me to see him. Some people you are just drawn to like a magnet. It's hard to even say what it is you're drawn tom until you're there again, with a person in your mind.

There is something really beautiful in really seeing someone. But it's hard because we are so good at hiding. What is a true heart ache? Because it feels like I am forgetting. I feel that I have so much to give. But who to give it to?

Die tragedy

Oh the power of words. I just got the urge to beat someone up real bad. Or shatter someones life with words. I can do that you know, I have that power. Because sometimes there are a few lies and lies make it better and the truth would break those people. It would. Truth is terrible in that way. That it shatter lives. Or maybe not lives but bonds between people. Increasing your personal degree of asshole. That is true too: we are all assholes. Have been and will be at some point in life. Some are it all the time, some are just part-time assholes. And the sooner you learn that the better. Because then there really is no point in complaining about things, because things will always be bitchy now and then, and people will always be assholes now and then. It's just the way of the world. Now, who do you think is better off, the asshole not letting himself be "manipulated" or "used" by anyone or the kind person giving more than he receives back in return?
Well who would want to be the latter one. Not me.

That I felt the day before yesterday. Then I spent an afternoon in Stinis company. And talked to C. And my mood went just kablooom up in the sky. It's thanks to my friends that I am still here in this world, give yourselves credit for that guys. Love you all.

Machines have less problems

Let's see if I can remember all the funny stuff that happened to me lately...
- Sarah Silverman show - seriously awesome!!! She smoked up, called herself on her cell and left messages with brilliant ideas. Then she listened to the message and her and Brian ran off to "save the world" sortof, still high, which was hilarious. "Weed really widens the mind" - well duh, the thought-connections you get are so interesting... And did you know, "bacon" backwards is "no cab". That is seriously awesome.
- A pig started a fire in an apartment. I laughed so hard I cried.
- It's funny watching people get blue-balls from not being able to say "That's what she said".
- Drinking Fishermans. First shotting in shot glasses made of ice. Together with the one and only - Linn. She's brilliant. Then drinking it from a coffee cup like a cocktail (it's 30% haha).
- Smoking in a circle while talking dirty talk.
- Spelling out oh-so-inventive words like "ass", "dick" and "cp" with letter crackers I gave to A as a gå-bort-present. At the same time as laughing really hard at how brilliant it was.
- Sleeping for 1 hour then waking up because there's some activity going on in the same bed you're trying to sleep in. Falling out on the floor and walking downstairs, still shitfaced, to eat some pasta.
- Drunk-msn at 5am, drunk-facebook at 5.30am. Writing stupid shit and laughing my ass off at some hardcore kinkiness.
- "Hej här kommer segertåget rullar in som technodromen..."
- Having the brilliant idea that watching Star Wars while high would be so amazing. "Use the force..."
- At the WC at EH it says "Om du ska skjuta upp ditt heroin här så får du faktiskt köpa en latte efteråt! Ok? Ok!"
Well that was far from everything but it's a little. Cheerios.

Jag vill ha något man inte kan leva utan

Hypermode. I have come to the realization that I've ended up like I never thought I would. Not going to mention any names, but once upon a time there was a person who was easily distracted, easily bored, completely fucked up and 80% heartless. A manipulating player who moved from friend to friend according to how “interesting” or “fun” they were. Now I am that person. Not to the same terrible extent but almost. Bored with a certain person now, not interesting or fun anymore. Now I've found a new “project” to keep me entertained. And I feel terrible for doing this but I can't stop myself either. Lately the “I don't give a fuck” attitude has sneaked up on me once again. If people can't handle that they might just as well leave. Cause I'm a wave and this is when I crash.

Some nice ego-questions from Nöjesguiden, copy paste the questions in YOUR blog:
Bästa promenad: Drottninggatan → Plattan → Gamla Stan → Söder → SoFo
Favoritgata: Takeshita Dori, Harajuku, Tokyo, Japan
Äter lyxmiddag på: högsta våningen på något svindyrt hotell
Bästa micromat: Popcorn
Bästa lunchställe: BK
Bästa kaffet: Valfritt café I Wien
En bra gå bort-present: Rött vin
Favoritlyxartikel: hudkräm
Favoritskor: Converse
Favoritprodukt på systemet: FUCK SYSTEMET, I LOVE DENMARK
Favoritprodukt på apoteket: Försvarets hudsalva, anknäbbs-hudkräm och dagen-efter-piller
Bästa fyllekäket: KEBAB i Malmö
Lyssnar på: just nu är det 3OH!3 och annat partyflumm som LMFAO samt harder stuff like Sonic Syndicate and All that remains
Senast gnolade: Don't trust me – 3OH!3
Senaste impulsköp: en Pippi Långstrumps kappsäcks-liknande handväska för 3 euro på en loppis
Senaste fyndet: 3OH!3
I dvd-spelaren/datorn: Mirrors och House of flying daggers
Mode jag aldrig vill se igen: Nördglasögonen
Värsta huvudbonaden: död fågel
Bästa huvudbonaden: min Che Guevara keps <3
Favoritaccessoar: SOLGLASÖGON!!
Återvinner: Killar

Sonic Syndicate and shots of love

I WAS ON THE SAME PLANE AS SONIC SYNDICATE!!!!!!!!! How rad is that???? 09.30 to Helsinki from Kastrup. We walk up to the check-in, and immediately we see a bunch of hot emo people with odd-size luggage. “Finland” we think and smile. Feels like coming home. It says “Deathstars” on their odd-size luggage. “Hey, it's Deathstars, from Gothenburg, who tour with Sonic Syndicate! How cute that they are taking the plane. Don't see Sonic Syndicate anywhere, bet they have a private jet...” Three minutes later, HYPERVENTILATING “Omg omg omg – the two lead singers (Roland and Richard) from Sonic Syndicate are standing right in front of me in a check-in line!!!!!” After a bit of calming down, still feeling the adrenalin and COUGH hormones - “Omg omg omg – that means we are taking the same plane!!!” SWOON

Famous people are not so different from ordinary people. Except that air of self-importance, like they think they are worth more than others. They know others know they are famous, even if those others don't go up to them to get their autograph or picture. I died. Several times. It was so cool to be so close to them, sitting there on the same plane. I was in heaven. Literally. Now afterwards I regret not walking up to them and asking for a picture, I mean, it's almost like I don't believe it myself. But they probably don't want to be bothered by belligerent, drooling fans such as myself. They looked rather cranky and hungover. But they were so pretty.

After arrival, it was time to “bekanta oss med snön”. Som Mumintrollet. Half a meter snow on the ground. Absolutely fabulous. And I realized I will have a lot of time for studying since people here just sit around and do nothing, if they're not outside that is. It's very Finland.

Last night was awesome, of course. Went on an impulse out with cousin Nina and her two friends, to Jakobstab, or Pietarsaari in Finnish, where we went to a really nice club. Three floors, packed with people. And everyone loved my dialect. Bueno drinks, Pineapple Breezers, Fishermans shots and beer. And then there was Johnny. I was enjoying myself with comparing Malmö club world to Jakobstad club world: people, music, drinks etc. And rating the guys 1-10. And there was Johnny. 10, right on. And I said to myself, that's the guy I'm going to have tonight. And Nina said “Well go on! Go talk to him, he's going to love you! You're hot and you talk strange!” and pushed me into the smoke room where he was casually lounging with some friends. And there I was smiling like a maniac, suddenly a cigarette from somewhere in my hand. And he loved me. And he hated a lot of things, like dancing, but I got him on the dancefloor and man was that hot. I realized the guys here are kinda shy, and don't dance very much, but better for a pushy girl like me. And Johnny. It was almost love. Stinis, you know that look I get in my eyes every time you talk about a certain person? Yeah, that's the look I had the rest of the night. And I have no idea if I'll ever meet that guy again, but it felt incredible hooking up with the hottest dude in the whole place.