My fiction beats the hell out of my truth

It gets loneliest at night Down at the liquor store Beneath the neon sky Our moonlight Six a.m. the floor comes alive with lice The pan's dried up so tight With hardened beans We're hungry So I lean on you sometimes Just to see you're still there These feet can't take the weight of one Much less two We hit concrete How were we born into this mess? I know I painted you a prettier picture, baby But we were run out on a rail Fell from the wagon to the night train I kissed the bottle I should've been kissing you You wake up to an empty night With tears for two Cigarettes they fill the gaps In our empty days In our broken teeth Say mister, can you spare a dime? Some change could make a change Could buy some time Some freedom Or an ear to hear my story It's all I've got My fiction beats the hell out of my truth A palm upturned burnt blue Don't call it sunburn You've been shaking on the job Just one drink ahead of your past There's a white light coming up You draw the blinds hoping it'll pass I kissed the bottle I should've been kissin you You wake up to an empty night With tears for two Lucero

Stay Gold

tired of second guessing myself and my own decisions. there is nothing but the now and here and the instant tiny mini decisions we make. like bringing a person home because it feels good. or telling someone a secret because you hate being alone with all the thoughts bouncing around. there might be a "this is wrong" but it doesn't really affect the decision in the end. or feeling like 16 again because you're terrified of getting a telling off from your parents. or feeling like 17 again because you are so numb you can't even begin to describe what is wrong or even recognize yourself in the mirror. or dreaming of impossible things because you feel like there's not enough to reality. or feeling like 18 again because you've realized being alone is allright since there are so many movies to watch, series to follow and books to read. feeling like 19 again getting lost in silly teenage novels that are really badly written but captivate you to no end. feeling like 20 again when you start to panic about life and get so paralyzed you just sit shaking and can't move for hours. feeling like 21 when you realize your just getting older and soon you will be 30 and have lost half your life to worrying and second guessing and panicking. and nothing good comes out of it. just obsessive thinking, broken hearts and neuroticism and alcoholism. the only time it's change is when you come away with a new obsession or a new thing to watch or read to numb your thoughts from running wild. like peeta mellark. for now.

Movits: Skjut mig i huvet

Kasta bort mig, förstör mig.
Byt bort mig eller köp mig,
Spelar roll så länge

Begrav eller föd mig, uteslut eller döp mig
Är samma sak säger

Vet att du hör mig
Att jag försöker
Att du kan, sjunger

Väck upp eller söv mig
Tar det till körer
Vet inte vad, men jag
Ooohohohohohooo
Kan fråga vart det kommer från.
Pulsen rusar, huvet känns lätt som en luftballong

Refr.
Spelar ingen roll så länge
-Skjut mig i huvet med en
Jag inte får det du har
Kan inte gå och vänta längre
-Lugern vill tala med mig
Men jag får inga svar
Även om inte det regnar Hallelujah
Så i mån utav plats, tar jag nog med mig paraplyet
(barabara ifall)
Jag inte kommer kunna klara av din

Porcelain Black

I'm not a bad girl
You're just a prude
You're a little bitch
And I'm straight up rude

I keep it blunt
While you beat around the bush
You like to hug
And baby boy I like to push

You don't have to like me
'Cause I don't like you
You're too beige and
I need black and blue
I want it black and blue

I wanna boy that tastes like whiskey and cigarettes
So who's it gonna be, who's gonna be next?
He strokes my kitty cat just like it's his pet
That's how I get the boys, I get 'em obsessed

So who's next?
Who's next?
Hey, hey
Who's next?
Hey, hey

On a whiskey diet
Only happy when I'm starving
Vicodins are my vitamins
Slutty when I'm lethargin'

Black rainbows are our halos
Bustin' faces with our elbows
Trainwrecks got you comin'
Kid I know I got you buggin'

You don't have to like me
'Cause I don't like you
You're too beige and
I need black and blue
I want it black and blue

I wanna boy that tastes like whiskey and cigarettes
So who's it gonna be, who's gonna be next?
He strokes my kitty cat just like it's his pet
That's how I get the boys, I get 'em obsessed

So who's next?
Who's next?

goodbye

it doesn’t make you any less of a person for loving someone who doesn’t feel the same. love is pure. never feel embarassed or pathetic for loving someone. but don’t work too hard in an attempt to make someone love you back. don’t wait until they start using that love to use and manipulate you. no one is attracted to a lack of self respect.

above all else, love yourself. forgive yourself of the mistakes you’ve made. learn from your bad decisions and never look back. the person most deserving of your love is you.