Karen & Hanky

The one time I will actually be able to take a guy home and fuck him, and I get too drunk to even know my own name. At least I got to throw a party, well, not much like a party put more like a fucking drunk-fest. It was a long time since I was that messed up.

Two days being hungover, watching Californiacation. That show has some seriously good quotes. Like I'm wallowing in narcissistic despair. No top shelf pussy can compete with the love of a good woman. The female orgasm is like 99% mental, who the fuck has the time for that. And give me a moutful of cock, anyday.

Devil-may-care

Jag behövde den karatefyllan för att återhämta mig lite. När huvudet bultar tills du spyr, och nothing makes sense, hela kroppen värker av någon konstig anlendning, när du är amazed över att du lyckades stå på benen trots x amount of alcohol. Uppkörning och bokad resa, panikångest och devil-may-care attitud. Efter att ha avverkat Firefly, Serenity och The Big Bang Theory har jag nu börjar på Californication. He is drowning in a sea of pointless pussy.

Mal & Inara

So what, somebody left you in a rut
And wants to be the one who's in control
But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder
How the hell she could be so cold
So now you're left, denying the truth
And it's hidden in the wisdom in the back of your tooth
You need to spit it out, in a telephone booth
While you call everyone that you know, and ask 'em

Where do you think she goes
Oh yeah, where d'ya suppose she goes, oh

I know where he goes and I know the memory lingers. I know the truth in the back of my tooth, but still I keep denying it. I just have to face up with reality that it's happened once again, left in the U-bend, discarded and used, like an old needle, like the trash they see me to be. Nothing left here for me anyway, so let's get on a space ship and fly to a different planet.

No happy endings

for the way you changed my plans
for being the perfect distraction
for the way you took the idea that i have
of everything that i wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing

for the ending of my first beginning
and for the rare and unexpected friend
for the way you're something that i never choose
but at the same time something i don't wanna lose
and never wanna be without ever again

Joni Mitchell

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

Sheldon

For most of human history the environment has been either a background constant, or, if it did change, a force with its own logic of climate change or local catastrophe (flood, drought, volcano, meteorite, earthquake, tidal wave, ice age) about which humans could do little but pray, die, adapt, or move.

Vad är du dålig på?

Att spela svårfångad när det är viktigt. Att ha one night stands. Att sluta röka.

System Crash

En trasig människa som inte ens kan dölja de stora revorna, försöker kanske desperat att gömma genom att skrika om felen hos alla andra, för alla gör det, skriker om alla andra medan man helst inte vill tänka på sina egna revor. Som om revorna försvinner om man skriker tillräckligt högt. Eller flyr en liten stund: det är lättare att sätta på sig ett sexigt skal och flörta med allt helst farligt än att sitta hemma själv och tänka på vilken misslyckad person man är. Varför ska man känna sig så misslyckad då, är man olycklig är det klart att man är misslyckad, men om man använder logik så kommer man oftast fram till att man mest är tramsig när man känner sig misslyckad. Men löjligt är också misslyckat, speciellt patetiskt. Men om man inte visar känslor, patos, så är man också ganska misslyckad. För om känslorna inte kommer ut, kommer de längre in och då blir man ännu desperatare att undfly sig själv. Jag orkar inte definiera de centrala koncept som är inbäddade här: dvs Lycka och allt som man kan förvrida det till – o-lycka, o-lycklig, missad lycka dvs miss-lyckad and it goes on. Jag orkar inte ta tag i körlektionerna. Jag orkar inte tänka längre. Jag orkar ingenting längre, vill ingenting längre. Vill bara sova, drömma och fly. Tiden går inte som jag vill. Vilja är ett pappersflygplan, och sedan kom regnet.

Alone.

And so it is. Crawling back to the place where no one really can reach me. And so it is.

Perhaps I was blind to the facts, stabbed in the back

I couldn't trust my own homies just a bunch a dirty rats

Will I, succeed, paranoid from the weed

And hocus pocus try to focus but I can't see

And in my mind I'ma blind man doin time

Look to my future cause my past, is all behind me

Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?

Everybody's dyin tell me what's the use of tryin

I've been Trapped since birth, cautious, cause I'm cursed

The Arts

"La raison pour laquelle les gens trouvent difficile d’être heureux, c’est qu’ils voient toujours mieux le passé qu’il ne l’était, le présent pire qu’il ne l’est et le future moins résolu qu’il ne le sera!"

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”

- Marcel Pagnol

Watching a French documentary about Catherine Deneuve, where of course everyone smoked all the time, I was reminded of my very early fascination with French culture. Smoking a cigarette in a café, leading that troubled life of an artist, all in a very fashionable manner. Clubs, pubs, cafés, parties - the penniless writer hanging around cafés and smoking and reading and writing all day, and partying with the closest all night. A creature of the night, not caring about convention, money, or anything at all. Just The Arts. This translated into reading French books, Anna Gavalda is a big favorite, smoking French cigarettes (Les Galoises Blondes), listening to Piaf and Gainsbourg, watching obscure french movies... And I've missed that. What I've also missed is their reverence for Les Arts and L'Amour, Their impeccable feeling for the portrayal of emotions; it's like they're the only ones who really understand Love and what art is all about... It's about disorientated devastation, floating around in a hazy world with no connection, where a few beams of sun light might bring chaos to you're entire existence. L'Amour - it's like it's worth it, even if you will never be the same ever again, and you will suffer the more for it. But life takes on new shapes, and you will be more sensitive to what things are, see everything in a different light....