A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides

Maybe I'm late, but I don't care. Been listening to infinity on high (fall out boy) for weeks and weeks now but never came as far as praising them here. So here I am. I love them.

Fall Out Boy - "Hum Hallelujah"

It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you’re someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions
Hired a construction crew, 'cause it's hell on the engine
You are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.

This is like the best line ever, I thought katie came up with it all by herself. :)
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.

And everyone with eyes, here's something for you: Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes... nejdå inte alls riktat till någon alls.

Bourreau des coeurs

Après la pluie le beau temps. Atleast you could always hope. :)

Some useful french stuff (yes jag har läsprov imorron, oh joy):

Qui se ressemble s'assemble. (Lika barn leka bäst)
Mieux vaut tard que jamais. (Bättre sent än aldrig)
Avoir le coeur sur la main. (to have one's heart in one's hand, to be kindhearted)
Être un bourreau des coeurs. (to be an executioner of hearts, a casanova/ladykiller)

Christmas shopping, essay writing, girls' secrets

hullo.
umm.
don't feel like writing right now. all my inspiration went into comparing medea and ett dockhem. i've been watching the lord of the rings, the extended versions and some extra material, it's as a comfort for me, finding my way back to something i can understand, something i love, some core deep inside me. the undying lands, the elves, their wisdom, the heart of darkness in men. what are we holding on to sam? that there is something good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. the whole mythology surrounding tolkien's works, it's something so true and pure, so beautiful, enchanting and mysterious, nothing else can ever even get close to what he achieved. i wanna reread the books.
ok. so i've said i don't like christmas. is that just to be alternative? cause christmas can be kinda nice. sometimes. but i think i like the time before christmas better still. förväntningar, levande ljus, mörkt ute, snön (hoppas den kommer lagom till jul i år), lussebak, pepparkakor, lukten av glögg och juliga kryddor, mys. and i love buying presents for my friends :) usually i compose something really personal, which is so much fun. knowing someone that well is reassuring. safety. i hate however trying to come up with something to give my parents and grandparents, cause all i come up with is boring stuff like candy. any ideas?

ah well. people talk so much shit. things you're not supposed to know of always slips through one way or another.

Secret #7.
Smiles and make up cover up so much these days.

Secret #8.
It's hard not to have anyone want to hold us when we feel alone

Secret #9.
We spend too much time thinking about things that will never happen and dressing up for the boy that will never care.

Secret # 11.
Its hard being with someone knowing that it wont last forever, but not able to end things cause u dont want to end up hurting him, or end up alone and hurting yourself.

Secret #13.. we change our minds fequently because we are always considering the could be's, wont's and what if's.

I made my mistakes yeah, so have we all

Utan min Kudde hade jag fallit jättehårt. I vintermörkret finns det inget bättre än musik och msn med Kudde för att komma på rätt spår igen. :) Tack för att du finns.
Mitt i alltihopa skickades denna låt. Och jag fick upp ögonen för Simple Plan igen. Jag vet, det är löjlig high school punk rock, romantiskt och så, men jag tycker ändå de är söta. It goes straight to the heart.

"Untitled"

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Now it's up to fate. I leave life to fate for a while cuz I simply can't be bothered with it right now. No wishes, no directions this way or that. i just let go of it all, wherever it goes, fine. cuz it never went where i wanted it too anyways, almost always the other direction yeah. mhm, too tired. exhausted? kinda. something interesting going on? no, just allmänt filosoferande om livets enigma, ambiguities och motsägelser, the wheel of time, och våran egen destruction. cheers.

Samskaric pathways

We are not islands. We are oceans. And some waters are more treacherous than others.
How can we know what we are doing before we are doing it? Aaah.

I like samurai movies, and I love anime. It makes a good combo. :)
And I haven't slept much, and next weekend wont be much sleepy time either.

And dancing is so fun, love you girls. <3

Writing World Lit. It's difficult to get every single detail stuffed into the shit, but I'm doing fine I hope.

"Close your eyes and pretend it's a bad dream, that's how I get by." - Jack Sparrow is giving advice when some people are shocked he's back from the dead.

Regina Spektor - Fidelity

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

Yogajournal:

Once the samskaric pathways have been set, most people just keep running down them, like rats in a maze, reacting with the same old patterns and feelings every time they find themselves in a situation that seems to mirror whatever the original trigger might have been.

Am I talking to myself? Cause I don't know what I just said.

OK. This must be the most perfect record in like long long long time. SUM 41. Underclass Hero. Download it NOW.
O säger:
it's amazing
O säger:
i love every song, and i mean really every
O säger:
never happened with any album before

and yeah thanks for the comments g. "it is kinda cool that you start liking a mainstream band, but like after everyone else".

Walking Disaster

At the dead-end I begin
To burn a bridge of innocence
Satisfaction guaranteed
A pillow-weight catastrophe

Our own mission nowhere bound
Inhibitions underground
A shallow grave I
Have dug all by myself

And now I've been gone for so long
I can't remember who was wrong
All innocence is long gone
I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief
Where I belong

As far as I can tell
It's just voices in my head
Am I talking to myself?
'Cause I don't know what I just said

Count your last blessings

Last call for regrets and defeat
To finish the bottle full of empty dreams
Punch strong head and straight out of line
Another excuse with no alibi
Hitchin' on the road of decline
With no name streets and no vital signs

My own enemy
I don't hear you now
Perfect tragedy
God bless us denial

So long, goodbye

And it's quite alright
And goodbye for now
Just look up to the stars
And believe who you are
Cause it's quite alright
And so long, goodbye

"WITH ME" IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG LIKE EVER. Och det blir ännu bättre att den är med som sista låten i gossip girl avsnitt sju. När Chuck o Blair have sex in the back of a limo. XD hahaha ÄLSKAR DEN SERIEN!! Den nya O.C. Chuck is sooooooo lovely, love him. Love love love. Hahahaha sorry. This shows just how much I need escape, love escape. LOOOOVE MUSIC.

When you were young

check out the song by The Killers, When you were young...

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You seek forgiveness...

And the rest hasn't come true yet. Wish I was higher now than ever before. :D

Nice pic, huh? :D

Den dumma fjäriln och three black candles

Strindberg poesi:

Solnedgång på havet
Jag ligger på kabelgattet
rökande "Fem blå bröder"
och tänker på intet.

Havet är grönt,
så dunkelt absintgrönt;
det är bittert som chlormagnesium
och saltare än chlornatrium;
det är kyskt som jodkalium;
och glömska, glömska
av stora synder och stora sorger
det ger endast havet,
och absint!

O du gröna absinthav,
o du stilla absintglömska,
döva mina sinnen
och låt mig somna i ro,
som förr jag somnade
över en artikel i
Revue des deux Mondes!

Sverige ligger som en rök,
som röken av en maduro-havanna,
och solen sitter däröver
som en halvsläckt cigarr,
men runt kring horisonten
stå brotten så röda
som bengaliska eldar
och lysa på eländet.

Meeeeep Meeeep. Hehe. absinthe.se

Mer strindberg:


Indiansommar.
Från sjukrummets kloraldoftande kuddar,
mörknade av kvävda suckar
och hittills ohörda hädelser;
från nattduksbordet,
belamrat av medikamentsflaskor,
bönböcker och Heine,
jag stapplade ut på balkongen
för att se på havet.
Svept i min blommiga filt
lät jag oktobersolen skina
på mina gula kinder
och på en flaska absint,
grön som havet,
grön som granriset
på en snöig gata
där ett liktåg gått fram.

Havet låg blickstillt,
och vinden sov --
som om ingenting passerat!
Då kom en fjäril,
en brun otäck fjäril,
som förr varit kålmask
men nu kravlat sig upp
ur en nylagd lövhög,
narrad av solskenet
gubevars!

Skälvande av köld
eller ovana
slog han sig ner
på min blommiga filt.
Och han valde bland rosorna
och anilinsyrenerna
den minsta och fulaste --
hur kan man vara så dum!

När timman var ute
och jag reste mig
för att gå och ta in,
satt han kvar ännu,
den dumma fjäriln.
Han hade uppfyllt sin bestämmelse
och var död,
den dumma djäveln!

Av nån anledning skrattade jag hysteriskt när jag läste den sista dikten, Indiansommar. XD omigad, vet inte varför, kan inte sluta XD

A tarot card reading. Six of wands.. you are on the right path, a beginning of a friendship.. the hanged man.. sacrifice, you have to give up on an old belief, let go, go with the flow, don't force anything, just drop it ok.. the sun.. success, happiness, the radiant light of the sun scorches away all fears and fogs of confusion, blessings, you have reached your goal.. ten of wands.. you're carrying an unnecessary burden, maybe it's time to let go of it and be free, a trial to test you...

All this speak to me and confuse me even more. I know there is something I have to let go of concerning this matter I asked about (no, it's a secret!) And the sun came up when I asked about the future, so that seems promising atleast, I could use some sunshine. And six of wands was a promising start.. not too ambiguous.. the hanged man has a clear message, especially together with the ten of wands, but in the context of the question asked it got me so confused I didn't know what to think of it.. A sacrifice. Something has to go, from one or the other side..

My black halloween candles are lit. Three black candles in the window. Buddha is meditating right beside them, and by his side Shiva, as Nataraja, dances in the wheel of fire. He is the cosmic dancer who keep the constellations moving. And among them all floats the lotuses of rainbow colours with small candles inside them. The stars watch outside the window and I would much rather write fairytales of magic than a stupid labreport.