So far, so good.

And so it is Sunday again. And soon the beginning of a new week.

The past week has been strange. Horrible to work when youre sick. But small things happened that were fun. Katja had her birthday Tuesday, which meant we went out for a mini-celebration. It was fun. Cant remember details lol. I have also, this past week, taken more showers together with my other roomie. Cozy. And makes us both kinda happy. But now he is grumpy for some reason. I dont know.

Also, yesterday I met another guy. Lets call him T. He was cute. And I was sad because the object of my real interest wasnt out and about. One of his friends said he was busy (meaning he probably had some girl at his place). He was at the restaurant earlier in the evening so I dont get why he wouldnt go out. When I asked if they wanted anything else, he said "you". I think there was a small explosion in my head cause i totally blacked out after that. Anyway, I went home with the surfer dude T. And now I hope he can help me get an apartment for January.

Its work. sleep. food. work. sleep. food. work. party. party. food. sleep. work. party. food. sleep. etc. sometimes a little suntanning and reading thrown into the mix but not much. So far, so good.

Sick as a dog

not fun to be ill at the one day i have off.. no partying...

and when i was to open a bottle of Sangre de Toro at the table where that gorgeous guy was sitting, of course the cork had to break. baka, baka. oh well. guys are just trouble. today i showered with one guy, it was surprisingly nice, even if the shower was kinda small and crowded with the two of us in there...

but he's not the one i wanna shower with. last week i had fun with yet another one. we "went for a walk". but still not the one i have my eyes on. the one i have my eyes on is the one who ordered Sangre de Toro. The one i made a complete fool of myself in front of. He works at a bar. A bar i feel i will frequent a lot these months.

Anyways. On my way to figuring people out. And figuring guys out. Work has been ok, just a little overwhelming. Still don't know if this is the place i want to be. but im learning i have to stop running from things - stop being a quitter - cause quitters never win.

Satellite Heart

Thank god for English. Inga javla slutet-pa-alfabetet-tangenter har nere ju. Anyways. Here I am blogging after my first few days in the sun. To be honest, I have no clue whatsoever if I like it here or not. Not yet. Everything is so new. People, place, work. Im still figuring shit out.

I like the heat. I like the sun. I havent figured the people out yet. I like the apartment. I havent figured the job out yet. Still some hitches to fix. New apartment in two months. More work. Only sundays off. But I knew that.

Its kinda crazy down here. I went here thinking id become a nykterist, because i cant work when im hungover or tired from partying. But as someone said to me: "Then you have come to the wrong island". Almost everyday after work, people go for at least one drink. And before that there is beer and wine to be had while closing up the restaurant.

Im a satellite heart. Lost in the dark.

And by the by, Im a brunette now. Kinda random. It just happened. Hope you people have a good time in cold, rainy Sweden. I wont lie and say I dont miss it, cause I do. I miss the cold and the darkness and being depressed and listening to emo songs on the ipod while walking home through the autumn leaves... Its very different here. Very different.

Stuck in limbo on a train

Underbara dagar i Stockholm/Uppsala - hell yeah. Sex i en bastu - hell yeah.

This is a cliff and I'm diving from the top. Without anticipating how far I might drop.
The eyes on fire are flashing past so fast. An intense flame that is not meant to last. And you won't be the last.

I preach for the living but I belong to the dead. I'm not alive anymore, inside my own head. You might see me laugh and crack up in smiles, but inside my head, I'm miles and miles away. That's why I live my life like a roll on a tape, that's why I caress the characters, piss on the plot and laugh at fate.

I need to land in myself. Realise this is my life, not a movie I'm watching.

Darling, what is going on?

I love the girls who hate to love because they're just like me. A certain girl, she took my hand, and ran it up her thigh She licked her lips and pulled my hair; I fall in love for a night. She can't behave, And I'm just a slave. Don't worry- I'll be gone when the morning comes.

Today I can't even think of leaving this country. I'm excited about the adventure. But right now I can just think of the next moment I will spend with Him. His golden bright hair like a halo, his teasing smile and hands up my thighs, his whisper in my ear, lips closing in. The sexual tension is tangible, and we could die for it. Building and building, like verses building up to the exploding chorus. Feel so good in his company I don't ever want to leave. No feelings, just attraction like hell. He's the best lover I've ever had. By the way, The Pineapple Express is the most genius thing in ages. And The Heroin Diaries are simply awesome. But anyway, He and I, are so compatible. But I wouldn't stay for him. In three days I am in a different country, 5 hours away by plane. A new life for 5 months. In three days.

With a heart full of napalm

"[...] betraktade henne som något att utnyttja och sedan kasta bort, som en begagnad kanyl. Så snart den uppfyllt sitt syfte kunde man hiva den i soporna, bara för att gräva fram den igen om man blev riktigt desperat."

I change my mind every day. This day, I don't want to go. This day I want to celebrate christmas in my old cildhood home, with everything that entitles. The Halloween party was awesome. And I will miss these people. I don't want to say any more goodbyes. Because I suck at goodbyes.