Mi mi mi, para mi?

It's a new year and i didnt even see it coming, the old one was over so fast it was almost too fast. What a hell of a year you were, sweet 2009, one of the happiest years of my life. Let's see. I graduated from high school. I scored awesomely at exams. Prom, studenten, house-party, Split, Hultsfred... Nätterna i Ystad. sommarkvällspromenader, Marinan, strandfester. Molina and me loose in Malmö. Sen kom hösten. Ölkvällar och vattenpipa med Magda. Nya jobb och mys. Sedan kom telefonsamtalet som ändrade mitt liv. "Vill du komma ner och jobba på Teneriffa?" "Eh, tja, ja varför inte?"

Nu är förfan januari snart slut också och jag har ännu mindre tid än någonsin. Festar antagligen mer än min hälsa klarar av men vafan, man lever bara en gång. Börjar iofs tröttna, when all nights look the same, when all people stay the same, it's no fun anymore. Have only gotten closer to A and C, the others not at all. And Viking and Rags are not much fun anymore. Drink at home and at our favourite secret place. When I get drunk I don't really care who I am with or where I am. Long time since I got some too, makes me cranky. As always, it feels like I'm loosing myself, when I know in my heart, I'm beginning to find myself more and more.

Sitter i lägenheten där Familjen Dyngrak bor. Dricker Smirnoff Ice. Ska till Banana Garden och käka, sen antagligen en sväng till Viking. Sen vill jag faktiskt hem. Sova. Sen börjar en ny vecka. Ja, jag har börjat tröttna, jag är sliten. See things that others here dont see, feel things people here dont feel. Find dark corridors behind doors that others just see as an opening to another room. Maybe it's House of Leaves that's messing with my head.

Kasta lego.

I hope its gonna make you notice...

I puked in the sink. Then I lit another cigarette and went to work.

When I walked home from work there was a big black stray dog out in the park, roaming around on his own.

Hungover, much? Yes, Im fucking bonkers. Barking mad. And I know it.

Not much has happened. Almost thrown out from work. Stupid me. Mistakes and things. Some yelling, some threats and I go emo. Marcus birthday thursday. Was the first time I laughed in the whole week. Party last night was nicer, I got incredibly drunk on cider, redbullvodka and rum&coke. Plus some uncalled for chugging from Smirnoff vodka bottles. (It was that guy behind the bar, and of course I had to impress him in my own retarded way). British karaoke bar. Rags. I sang Use Somebody. Listening so much to Kings of Leon now.

My roomie talks to me again. We are on friendlier terms. Very much friendlier terms... I think we´ll be watching a lot of movies together the coming week...

And that guy seems no go at all. I hope he will notice me. Soon. Anyway, Im really tired. Another strange week has passed. Lets see what the next one has in store.

Adventureland was a great movie. Kristen Stewart is a huge inspiration for me now that I am also a brunette. Her acting is weird. Watch her in more than one movie and she always seems to be herself, not the character shes playing. Shes awkward/cool in some weird way. Bites her lips, tousles her hair, always these rings and bracelets, always without make-up. Always same half-awkward movements. Always really cool. I like her.

Countless lovers undercover of the streets... You know that I could use somebody...
Someone like you...

A Sexual Oddysey

Let me tell you about my week. Because it has been a pretty shitty one. Or actually just weird but it has definitely been a rollercoaster. Emo on monday. Party on thursday, friday and saturday. Sliten som fan nu. Yes. Anyway.

Thursday was Viking and Rags. I had three guys after me but I went home with that stupid asshole (again). Why do I never learn. Friday was Viking and Rags (again). I brought a girl home with me. I have always thought Im slightly bisexual. I never really tried so now I thought why not. And I tried it. This week I have had sex with a girl. And now I know. I am not bisexual. It jsut doesnt do anything for me. Anyway, my roomie got so pissed he doesnt even speak to me anymore. I guess he is angry that I brought someone to the apartment. But mostly I guess he is just grossed out cause he really hates that girl. And all the talk after? Oh my god. Thats the reason I was emo today and still am. When we went to Viking on Saturday, all the stupid guys behind the bar taunted and leered at me. Great. I just wanted to try and I was really drunk, what the hell is your problem? So my confidence shattered to pieces by all this skitsnack to my face. I went with Anna and Malin to a British karaoke place instead of fucking Tibu or Rags, where everyone else always is. I dont know when I will return to Viking and what it will be like. Right now it just feels like everyone hates me. But thats nothing new under the sun.

People are crazy here. I will never have the fire to maintain this level of partying. Never. So next week Im only going out one night. Saturday. Cause then I have time to recharge for real. Also, the strain of missing people, the strain of not knowing who to trust (cause everyone down here talks so much shit) is killing me softly. Or rather violently.

Also - Mattias birthday. He was dragged behind the bar, they called out that it was his 18th birthday (no, he is like 21) made him chug vodka from two bottles simultaneously, then they said "now we´re gonna play his favourite song" and they put on Dr Bombay. He is so drunk he cant even stand, but he managed to crazy dance to Dr Bombay.
Also - stureplansorginalet Louise. Boob job. Lip job. Applied to Playboy. Have lived at Stureplan hela sitt liv. Vill ha ett till boob job. Quote: "To get the guy you want is like stealing candy from a kid" (sounds better in stockholmska)

We ate at Little Italy today, awesome food. When I sat there with Katja, whom Ive gotten much much closer to after all the drama thats happening here, I realized this little adventure of mine has turned into a sexual oddyssey. Something I never thought. Weird.

So far, so good.

And so it is Sunday again. And soon the beginning of a new week.

The past week has been strange. Horrible to work when youre sick. But small things happened that were fun. Katja had her birthday Tuesday, which meant we went out for a mini-celebration. It was fun. Cant remember details lol. I have also, this past week, taken more showers together with my other roomie. Cozy. And makes us both kinda happy. But now he is grumpy for some reason. I dont know.

Also, yesterday I met another guy. Lets call him T. He was cute. And I was sad because the object of my real interest wasnt out and about. One of his friends said he was busy (meaning he probably had some girl at his place). He was at the restaurant earlier in the evening so I dont get why he wouldnt go out. When I asked if they wanted anything else, he said "you". I think there was a small explosion in my head cause i totally blacked out after that. Anyway, I went home with the surfer dude T. And now I hope he can help me get an apartment for January.

Its work. sleep. food. work. sleep. food. work. party. party. food. sleep. work. party. food. sleep. etc. sometimes a little suntanning and reading thrown into the mix but not much. So far, so good.

Sick as a dog

not fun to be ill at the one day i have off.. no partying...

and when i was to open a bottle of Sangre de Toro at the table where that gorgeous guy was sitting, of course the cork had to break. baka, baka. oh well. guys are just trouble. today i showered with one guy, it was surprisingly nice, even if the shower was kinda small and crowded with the two of us in there...

but he's not the one i wanna shower with. last week i had fun with yet another one. we "went for a walk". but still not the one i have my eyes on. the one i have my eyes on is the one who ordered Sangre de Toro. The one i made a complete fool of myself in front of. He works at a bar. A bar i feel i will frequent a lot these months.

Anyways. On my way to figuring people out. And figuring guys out. Work has been ok, just a little overwhelming. Still don't know if this is the place i want to be. but im learning i have to stop running from things - stop being a quitter - cause quitters never win.