I know I lack in evaluation of arguments but how on fucking earth are you supposed to fit it in on one page with all arguments and fucking counter-arguments?!?!
go fuck yourselves.
Beijing Doll - inspirational reading. im so alike her on so many points. the constant loneliness, the hole that cant be filled. the reading, the writing. the worrying about not being able to live on writing.
the estrangement, the tiredness, the apathy. the reluctance to get out of bed to face a new day.
what we don't have in common is her networking, she knows a lot of "cool" bandmembers and journalists, writes articles for magazines, interview bands, go to concerts almost every week, has a lot of love-affairs...
i'd love to be like that, only, don't see the possibility. guess it's a chinese thing.
Saw Wall-E the other day. kinda epic. probably what the earth and humans will look like in the future. and isn't he just the cutest ever?! adorable personality.
All these things we don't appreciate. The things we miss when they're gone. wrote about it. maybe post it on the poetryblog when i finally get it up.
since my internet is still fucked over, i just get my quality minutes hijacking friends' computers (im sorry stina!)
my body moving like the tide to an ancient beat
the fire inside, the waves and the ocean
the endless grey shores and dramatic skies
the star-strewn night, and infinte universe
the trodden paths through green hills,
the grass growing high, the cattle grazing
picking summer flowers and chasing the winds
looking around, feeling the solitude
like a never-failing companion,
someone
who is always there by your side
to kiss your face in the rain, to comfort you
in the storm, to hold you in the cold nights
to be with you even when you're surrounded by people
we live our lives so alone. no matter who you have around you in your life. and that feeling will never go away. doesnt matter how much we try to fight it.
it will be there. in the dead of night. when you wake up. (what's the first thing you think of?) throughout the day. when you go to sleep.
moving. changing. i keep seeing the never-ceasing waves of the ocean, a tide doomed to go on forever, washing and washing over you until you get the fucking point.
most never get the point though. despite all the repetition. guess they're just stupid.
it's like islands of company in an ocean of loneliness, and all the islands are still slightly under the surface...
people who can't say their opinion openly to your face is just despicable. what do they think they are anyway. fucking pussies. i get the point ok?! Suicide is selfish blablabla, emos only think of themselves, blablabla. you don't know a fucking thing about it do you.
i think suicide is brave. will always think so. and both admire and pity it. in the end it's neither good nor bad, it just is. like all things.
JUST IS. nothing more or less to it. then we stupid humans came along and made it all so fucking complicated.
cuz we can never let things be as they are. we have this need for changing things to our will.
what's fun with just watching you know.
morality is an assohole. morality can go fuck itself. as i said, there is nothing good or bad. it's all just a grey-zone and we decide to make it good or bad.
having a choice matters.
there's just those days when nothing is fun.
they just hang there like a limp dick.
no fun. no inspiration. just apathy.
those are the days you write shitty poems.
those are the days you eat more than you should.
those are the days you hate yourself.
and everything else around you.
they just are. a slow passage of time.
closing your eyes and letting it pass.
when all the musts and shoulds feel heavier than usual
and angst compress your chest until its impossible to do anything
because if you do something, you feel so useless because you should really be doing something else.
and two voices in your head.
it's just a "fuck this" kinda scenario isnt it.
we don't know the reason for the flowing of the river. is there such a thing as making a difference?
because that's what i wanna do. help people, inspire people.
it's incredible how a person who has had so much trouble with self-hate can give so much love to others.
i can feel it. i just wanna pour love on people. might sound weird or whatever.
or i think that's what i wanted to do. now i dont know anymore. cuz people often dont want it.
a treasure you have to discover for yourself, im not advertising. guess thats why im bad at networking too.
works like a mirror.
