Next big fix I know. Show me something, that's extraordinary.
still enjoying the perfect moments of insanity. like today with magda. which reminds me of the times w n. we were little kids in the sunshine, running around being freaky, mad and high on sunshine, sugar and eachother. such freedom.
I love Youtube. can find anything you might need for the moment; a laugh, inspiration, emo-porn, anime, Ika i rutan, sponge bob, haute couture, mock someone, tears, schnappi, pingu, awesome music, Free hugs campaign (people who haven't seen it, see it now, puts a smile on your face and hope in your hearts. just re-discovered it, that's why), KATIE!! ...
comatose-kisses. im actually alert and motivated at lessons! woho. i was even really upset when i forgot to take my math books with me so that i couldn't work at home. (not so excited when i actually got around to doing the maths). I found Copeland!
the undulating ocean of mental mentality keeps me blacklisted and backtracked in associates associations. juxtaposed feelings radiating ideas of despair.
how something can come back so suddenly when you thought it was all gone. it's weird, those moments. flashes, gushes, re-opening of wounds. and yes im sorry i backtrack and rewind. just keep on talking to imaginary friends instead, playing a sorrow-free game introverted and gone for the world. listening for your voice.
a chameleon: if someone is funny, im funny. if someone is friendly, im friendly. if someone dislikes me, i dislike them. if they forgive, i forgive. if they talk, i talk. if they make contact, i make contact. the ways of the wandering mind.
the beat goes on.
pin your wings.
crack a kinderegg.
skull breaking in half from trying to figure this or that, what's the point if it leads me in circles. just drop that shit. shit. smash. when i go out. heart in hand, come back running. wheezing, cold lungs, short spastic breaths. the concept of things doesn't matter, do they. in reality, it's different. trying to break all the cages of existence, to get somewhere, to stand out and be special, do something extraordinary, to write a novel with plot spiraled like DNA, with non-existent time, to change the world. in aspiring to be a ground-breaker, im afraid i'll only just break more ground beneath my feet than has already been done. just have to accept the state of things, wouldn't do to have the quivers and panic now would it. besides, what can i do, will people to act? light a candle and pray? go to sleep? take something?
how long for hateful eyes to glisten once again...
