Are you afraid?
Supermassive Black Hole. Where a star sunk in, there you'll find eternity. The icons of today, it's so strange what constitutes world order. What if the symbols and the history meant nothing, would it all collapse on itself like a dead star? Would we find eternity?
Melting in the dead of night. Nosferatu is actually a really good movie although it feels like a bad nightmare. And it isn't very flattering to vampires. I prefer the Twilight version. No less deadly, but oh so much nicer to look at. "Everything about me draws you in" - me like. "You're like a drug to me - my own personal brand of heroin". "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb".
When the hunt becomes easy, it's no longer fun. When you realize you can have it, you loose interest. Like when I know I can get a guy, it's not fun anymore. Instincts are amazing in that way. And however much some would like to escape it, we're just a bunch of animals.
More often than not lately, nights out have been lame and boring. Where did the crazy partying go? Because if this dry spell is gonna continue, I'd much rather stay home and read. Or watch a movie. Hanging out with my dad, realizing how much fun we have together. My parents aren't my parents, they're my friends. Discussing with my mom if she should break up with her bf or not, watching movies with my dad and laughing our asses off. Love has many shapes.
That emptiness inside, when you see others find happiness, couldn't have phrased it better A darling. Longing for something you can't even imagine, wondering when it's your turn.
Well sitting on a chair watching couples stick their tongues down eachothers throats isn't much fun. Especially not when you're alone and the whole situation sucks anyway. I'm sorry, but I must speak my mind. Or else I suffocate.
Anxiety attacks and angst enveloping this fragile mind frame, storms invisible to the outside world, turning insides out without anyone noticing. Screaming and screaming, stopping from doing harm, and where did I leave the calm. Someone to wrap me in his arms and keep me from the dark, is this unforgivable, listening to clair de lune and crying, despairing and sleeping around. I'm so tired of myself I could order my own death sentence. It's always the same bullshit and whatever I choose I seem incapable of escaping or resolving or whatever.
Feel like I lost myself. I miss that little insecure, quiet, bookish girl who didn't care about anything except her books and her writing. I want her back. She's more me than that loud, exhibitionist fjortis partyanimal. She's deep, quiet, sarcastic. She looks at the world around her and laughs quietly at the foolishness of it. Why want. Why want what you can't have. Why try to catch attention. She doesn't care if she's loved or not. Sure, she dreams of it secretly, but it's nothing seen on the outside. No make-up, no fancy clothes, no vain ideas or coquettish laughs. There is no delusion. I realize now, she's like Bella. And I regret I lost her. Well actually I don't believe she's lost, she just got obnoxiously pushed out of the way. But I promise, I will find her again. I liked being her. Of course, only afterwards I noticed. Give me back my books and my nerdiness.
Stupid little lamb. Not afraid. Only of loosing the lion. If there's a new obsession, it's Twilight. And when I get my hands on that book, don't expect to see me much around.
