Jesus Christ Superstar. Ola Salo is such an inspiring person. An impulsive decision and 2 ½ hours later, I'm walking out of there with a broad smile, humming, and as I hit the road I can't help skipping and dancing and singing all the way home. Did it raise my mood tremendously or what? If there is any reason to be religious, Ola Salo as Jesus is one of them. He became my savior of the day – saved me from tedious ToK and math portfolio. And made me believe, just almost. His character, his charisma, his incredible charm: he literally lit up that stage. And I thought as I walked out: that is what I want. To be charming, charismatic, to draw people in. “Everything about me invites you in...”
Why bother about the works of yesterday, it will all work out in the end. Whatever grade I receive, that is not a measurement of me, there is so much more. Soul, and laughs and sunshine, reading and making love. Those exams do not mean the end of my life.
Examining the sidewalk, getting lost in a reverie of a fictional character. Of a plot. Of living inside fictional worlds. Looking at the reflection of the streetlights on the damp pavement, thoughts rushing, I could hear them. It was like slush ice, slushing away, speeding up. Future, Edward, love, books, writing, future, fiction, university, exams, grades, ToK, bullshit, angst, pain, Edward, fiction...
Confusing me, holding me in its intense grasp. Fortunately the bus came and interrupted me.
“About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how potent that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”
And I am lost, inside a novel. Like I used to as a kid. Reading myself away from reality and never coming down to earth. Reading instead of caring about school, forming my own education. And still managing fine in the education that had been forced upon me, by attentiveness and cleverness. Those are not enough anymore, and I will never get used to it. Will never get used to having to work my ass off for a grade. Stupid grades.
“Since I'm going to hell anyway, why not do it thoroughly”
Reincarnation. Wouldn't that be a nice topic for a knowledge issue. If I now could find a suitable knowledge issue, which it feels like I wont. What is it anyway? How can we know that people don't reincarnate? (vague maybe) So to the more specific case of that little boy – how can we know he wasn't a reincarnation of his grandfather? All evidence points toward it. And since I'm going to hell anyway with this ToK essay – why not do it thoroughly.
“I can't stay away from you anymore”
Yes, it would be nice to fall in love. With someone. Not without. Not alone.
To be intoxicated by a smile.
To have that feeling that your whole well-being depends on that other person. If he's not around, you feel miserable to the bone, and whenever you're with him, you feel at ease, safe and calm and all butterflies-in-the-stomach. An intense gaze, the electricity. Yes, I miss it.
One touch or a word define your mood for the rest of the day.
I used to say I didn't know what love was. I still don't really. But somehow I still miss it.
