when something that is supposed to work doesn't work, you just don't get frustrated. you cry from frustration.
when someone you thought didn't care actually proove to care, your heart warms up a bit.
when you can't talk to anyone, and find someone to talk to, you feel a connection.
when you just want to bury yourself under a blanket, you do just exactly that.
when everything is boring, grey and dull, you think of how you will surprise your family next weekend.
when you despair about the future, you think of the childish embrace of your little siblings, their unconditional love and trust.
when you think about your failures and your bad character, you think of everyone else's shortcomings.
when autumn inevitably seeps through your mind and dull your senses, you go to sleep. and dream beautiful dreams. and write a poem about autumn depression.
when you just don't wanna face the pile of homework, you go to the telly and watch Ugly Betty. betty is inspiration. "growing as a person is taking responsibility and making the best of all the stupid decisions you made".
im glad i got it all out. and i know we're not those people anymore, but what we have will always be special.
sometimes a strange urge falls upon me. the "withdraw and hide"-symptom. that's when i show up next day in school with my hood up and anti-social loud angry metal in my ears. when i ignore you and sit as far from everyone as possible and draw emo doodles in my notebook instead of taking down the notes from class. that is the "nobody-understands-me"-mood. which im pretty sure not many people do. and im just fucking tired of waiting for someone to do. so next time you ask why i think of giving up, don't bother, you know already.
when i looked into those eyes, an electric shock went through my entire body. it was so real i could almost touch it. it was there and i thought... i thought it was all going to be ok. that it would all work out.
maybe i need a cloud.
you're still up? mhm.
