I think I'm too much for making illusions. I think I want that too much. Everytime I see potentials and build air castles that come crumbling down when I catch up with reality.
Even if I didn't feel anything in particular, I wanted to feel. Now close to my 20th birthday I've finally gone on a real date. Sushi, white wine, and movies. And talking and laughing and having a really great time with a really great guy. But that was it. I'm too attached to the Cinderella dream, love at first sight, Törnrosa-syndrome, to even give it a chance. If there's no spark - I condemn it. It was awesomely cozy though and I love sushi. And Riesling wine.
Why the whole partnership thing though? I can have a heart to heart with close guy friends, I can have intense/hot/kinky/whatever-adjective-fits-here sex with other guys (whom Icould technically have a heart to heart with too if I wanted to) - I just don't see why the dreaded B-word used to get me so worked up.
Serious relationships doesn't seem to be my thing. No-strings-attached-deals seems more like my thing. I just stumble into that situation over and over again - sometimes it's a mess and sometimes it isn't. At the end of the day, I just shrug my shoulders and stumble into the next thing. All very cashual.
