I have never been in an apple's head. Do apples have heads? No they have seed houses, so technically it's their reproductive organ. Like wombs. What if the wombs say “let's go down” and then half of them say “let's go up” and then they go down. Not on eachother that is. To the ground. We don't know that we aren't apple wombs, do we? We can't know. The world-wide-recognized paradigms are as much a leap of faith as believing in psychic abilities or religious phenomena.
And so it became December. And the little angry kitten didn't even notice. I bet the snow was a plot, an ambush. But a beautiful one. There is something peaceful yet erotic about snow, like the mix between old and new Japan, the traditional values and the modern technology. Subtle, refined, yet so much more telling than anything else. The snow, yes. Watching flakes slowly falling, melting on the ground, People change in the snow. They look different. As if new secrets have been revealed to them.
A work of art that impressed you and affected your outlook on life. No, I won't choose the obvious. I will refrain from letting my emotions get the better part of me. Do I have such a side? A better one? One that can be more than this?
Thoughts. How they stay hidden from others if you don't open your mouth. People can't see them, even if it feels like that sometimes. Like people can see right through me. Some people are harder than others to read, I just hope I belong in that group. I mean, who want to be easy to read? Liquid eyes concealing the truth. It's when you let people go, when you simply can't be bothered with them anymore, that they finally show interest, or respond. Or maybe it's just that you stopped caring, stopped fretting they won't answer this or that. When you forget them. And there they are. Just like that, saying sorry or complimenting or showing interest. It's so interesting, almost like reverse-psychology. It is reverse psychology.
It's been long since I heard from you. And from you. And you. The first hasn't said a word, not yet but I'm hoping if I go on keeping my mouth shut he will eventually come around. Feeling bad about it or something. We'll see. The second, well I really didn't expect that, but it was a pleasant surprise and I hope this has come full circle. Not that you matter much to me anymore, only have value as a memory. And the third, I sort of thought that would come earlier and I guess this is where I am supposed to be sorry. I was kinda a jackass at that time, playing around as I did. But I bet you forgot me as easily as you slipped from my mind after only a week.
It is also weird that I am talking about this here. I guess it gives it context. Or perspective. Or something. I guess the snow does too. Mindful walking, breath by breath, step by step, the body moving, my feet, one in front of the other. The cold, the snow melting in my hair, on my face, on my lips. Hugging a piece of wet snow in my palm, turning it into a small piece of ice, letting it melt and drip through my fingers. The churchyard, in the slowly falling big white flakes, the candles flickering, casting shadows on the tombs. Ancient worlds lost.
