Hello. It's winter but there isn't any snow, how depressing isn't that. Next year, which starts soon, I will start swimming because swimming is slimming and relaxing and even if I hate the wart-infested swimming pools available to us mortals, this is a thought I am unable to eradicate from my mind. I also want to get tanned. I don't know where this thought came from, in the middle of all this vampire-craze and since I'm usually really fond of my pallor, it struck me today that people with a nice golden tan are more appealing. I want to be appealing. It is a simple-minded thought that has gotten me in trouble more than I'd like to think about, but now once it is bouncing around in my head I can't get it out.
Also, set sail for disappointment. Really, people shouldn't expect so much since it only makes people more disappointed. Like, I often expect response from people, and when I don't get it I get really disappointed. Or I expect someone to show that they are better than my first impression of them was. And they don't. Or I expect them to act in a certain way or say something wonderful or give me some attention and it doesn't happen and I become vexed out of my mind. But why the hell do I even fucking care about these people at all? Why waste thought-space on fucktards. New slogan, yes. Why waste thought-space on fucktards.
I read a rhetoric book, or rather a book on rhetorics, the other day. It said that you had to repeat whatever you wanted to make sure the listeners got into their head three times, the golden rule of three. That was interesting. And then I finished a book called "Dead until dark" and it was amusing but not anything brilliant, but the interesting thing was the protagonist. She hoarded thoughts, what people said, and experiences, for, as she said, "later thought processing". So whenever she got bored, she picked out these tidbits and let her mind chew on them like some late afternoon snack. It made me laugh.
Had more pleasant dreams and I don't know why they happen to me here. Maybe I am more calm and at home here in this house. But the interesting thing is not the dreams in themselves, it is the thoughts that follow, the changes in me, in my awake state. Which is slightly disconcerting. The most disconcerting thing about the dreams is how they highlight my loneliness. They are my greates comfort and escape and yet they bring so much sorrow. Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe.
Do you know what I always dreamed someone would do? That sometime, when I'm feeling particularly alone and abandoned, some old acquaintance of mine would just walk up to my door, knock and surprise me. Tell me they really missed me and can't we hang out for the day? Heck, I'd love for anyone, randomly, just pay me a visit anytime, knock my door and make me happy.
