Ode to joy

Rented movies with sis, and bought her dinner, and she's coming over tomorrow. Then we're gonna go shopping and see Ice Age 3. And today I'm gonna see Hamlet. In Helsingör. Jude Law - live. Oh yes. Yesterday it was Diploma Ceremony. Many were there, which surprised me. Mom brought my stuff over from Ystad so now I'm officially moved back to Malmö. Looking for a job. Sending CV's here and there. After Diploma, me and Maria went around Lund, talk talk talk, ice cream at Per Tutti. Then I met up with Molina in Malmö. Then we met Meng, Alex, Koci, David, Linus and Isabella at BK and all of us went to Carib Creol. Awesome place. Awesome drinks and awesome beer. I just love mojitos. Jerlehag came there. Fredrik and the Razz aswell. Funny guys. Me, Molina, Jerle, Linus, Fredrik and the Razz later went on to Ode to Joy at Operagrillen. Old vinyls on the terass. And now it's a new day. And on Tuesday it is Copenhagen. And on Wednesday it's Magda. Sometimes I just wish you could get money for nothing, a steady paycheck each month, so that you can just go around and enjoy life. But oh no, it doesn't work like that. At least I am writing again. I like that. Might come to something, might not. Anyway, now I'm gonna go eat and then it's Jude Law. Mums.

There's a shield around us

"I miss my free time" - yadayada, what a whining bitch I sound like sometimes. I haven't yet fully realised that working everyday IS my life for at least another year. Well, not everyday, but close to almost. Anna called and said that maybe I needed some free time. Some time to just relax. But that would feel like a failure since everyone else is either at Uni or working. Anyway, saw Edward Scissorhands for the first time last night, can't believe I haven't seen it before. Loved it, it's such a wonderful tale. And easy to recognise oneself in it: despite all the good-natured intentions of doing good and making people happy, everything turns horribly wrong. (Yes, that used to be me). And the night before that, I was out dancing with workmates. My boss is very generous, but she might be a little annoyed at me now cause I told her about how mom blamed her for me getting shitfaced last time we were out with work. It was a joke. My mom knows I can drink well enough on my own, she certainly does not believe that it was anyones fault. But my boss seemed to take the joke quite literally, and now it seems like I'll never hear the end of this. Anyway, met a seriously cute boy, but he lived far away and I didn't want to invite him over. But we talked quite alot, serious talk, pretty cosy. Days before that, I only worked and read Harry Potter and the Half-bood prince. Still feels immensly weird that everyone is starting school and I am not. Well, I'll see my old school on Saturday when I'll be back there for the Diploma Ceremony. Mom forced me into bringing her. She will embarrass me, I know she will. And I never have time for anything anymore. Before, I was always online msn, no I'm never ever online, and if I am, it's like for 10min. And I'm bad at staying in touch, and I always feel like no one wants to hear from me, you know like "Oh no, not her again". And I'm in this weird vulnerable mood right now when I just think everyone hates me, and just want to be reassured by people that I have the right to exist. Mom calls it angst periods. But hell, what do I know... I'll stop now. Bye.

Burns like the sun

So what else has happened. Eventful weekend. Told you about malmöfestival, buddha and kb. Then it was Sunday and a hospital visit. Han fick en fin Hello Kitty målarbok i present med slight modifications, typ Arab-kitty, Hitler-Kitty etc. Very nice. Then it was talking in the park with Cessy. Harry potter movie (again for me) with Cessy and his mom. Then sleepover, talk, talk, talk. Then Monday I was just too beat to do anything, sleep, sleep, sleep. Tuesday was errands, bank, CV-handouts, ice cream with Maria and Mads, malmöfestivalmat with T, meeting up with Magda, her sister and people. Then Molina and movienight. Patsy and Eddie fucking rocks. Wednesday was sleep, then cleaning the whole apartment, washing dishes, watching telly. Magda coming over, langos and chilldrinking wine on my awesome balcony. Were going to Dead by April but Amiralen was too stuffed with people so no luck there. Going to Bodoni, cheap beers and hard rock. Meeting Fredrik. Making out with M. Yay. Smoke bubbles, haha. Going to Babel, but the guards were really assy, it was 20 and they wouldn't let us in. So I bought a kebab and since Fredrik didn't wanna keep me company I went home. Listening to music, turning on my emo charm, before falling asleep. Waking up, packing, train to Ystad. The fucking train was so fucking delayed, had to wait in Svedala for an hour due to technical failures. Ugh. Home. Then work. And I work tomorrow, and the day after that. I miss my free time.

My sisters have started school now. Miriam just started Media at LBS. Sounds so awesome and I'm jealous. I wanna go to school too, meet new people and have fun. I mean, it's not the same thing when you work. How the hell are you supposed to get a bunch of nice new friends then I wonder. Guess my social skills are too bad for making new friends. Or maybe I'm underestimating myself. The summer season is coming to and end, and I wonder if I'll stay in touch with any of my work mates. Probably not. Anyway, I just want to go back to school.

Vi drar till Malmö

Had a really chill day with Molina today, fikaing at Glassfabriken at möllan. Awesome place. She always show me new wonderful places in Malmö that I had no idea existed. Btw, I love being free. Free from work. Partied two nights in a row. First night, Buddha, with Soph, Freddie, some randoms, Gustav and Magda. Much dancing and much fun. Early night but I was drunk as fuck so maybe that was a good thing. Fyllemad på BK. Najs. Then the next day, hungover, I met up with Molina as stated. Heldag på Malmöfestivalen. Mika, Miss Li och Timbuktu. Mika only played four songs but he is so awesome anyway. Miss Li = Oh boy, you make me feel like, oh boy, you make me feel like no boy, can make me feel like you nananana. Cute and indie, dancing around being scorned by fjortisar. Anyway, home to the balcony, chilldrinking wine before timbuktu. Regrettably I did not get drunk, but it was cozy as hell. Then meeting up Emmy and Mads. Watching Timbuktu. He is always better in Malmö. I don't know what does it, but he is always always better when he plays in Malmö. Then after, we were gonna go out. It turned out to be KB, which always has some nice rock music going on, this time was no disappointment. Dancing, dancing, dancing. Still not drunk, not even tipsy even after a sangria and two beers. And the hot friend of M wasn't single, I got kinda pissed. He was hot. And nice. But I don't know if his name was Christian or Stefan. Anyway, there's a story behind all that. Tomorrow, in like a few hours actually, I am going in to Lund to meet Cesar. It will be very nice. As you can tell from all of this, I am having way too much fun to go back to working... Let's just hope I don't start until like Wednesday next week...

Wear your heart on your sleeve

Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked so easily - weak people, in other words - they stand no chance...

Wise words of Severus Snape. It made me think of a certain person. A person who is leaving now. And I might not see him for a very long time. He is very hard to read. Stonefaced. Or not really stonefaced. Just like kapow. Can't read it, can't see behind it. And I will miss that face...

I, on the other hand, is a person with my heart very much on the sleeve. Maybe I'm not easy to read at all times, and hide a lot of things, but I have a hard time controlling emotions, and I easily wallow in sad memories. When he has left, I don't want to wallow in memories. My life will have to go on.

Now to the final thing about this quote: Is being emotional equal to being weak? Are you a weak person if you're not able to control your emotions? I used to think so. I used to revere Jedi philosophy, later Buddhist philosophy. And they both lean towards that emotion creates suffering. But now, I don't know anymore. If you show your emotions, you put yourself out there, expose yourself. And for that you need bravery, you need to be strong, or develop strength...

Two more days of work... Only two... Then Malmö and people. I miss you all guys... And a special word out for Wellington who at the moment is hospitalized. Read and recover my friend, my thoughts are with you.

Worst day ever

I've just experienced one of the worst days in my entire life. The night before the day and arguably the morning of this very very bad day was awesome: chilldrinking on the beach with Mads and Nina. We had a really good time, badade i havet, grillade, drack, snackade, skrattade... And we "met" three Stockholmare. If the guys we invited to this beach thing would have shown up, I bet the night would have been very different. But now, since they didn't show, we talked to these three guys instead. And it turns out they're only 17. I laughed. And said "åh va gulligt" på stockholmska. Anyway, we went to where I work to drink some more, and we all got drunk. Then we went for another swim in the sea. And then we went to my place. All in all a very cozy and nice evening/night. The hangover the day after, today, was far less cozy. Not cozy at all actually. It didn't exactly help that I had to get up for work at 9 and then start at 10. Worked from 10 to 16, so fucking gone and exhausted already before starting work. Imagine what I am now, after work. No, it was seriously the worst ever working with this hangover. And I don't like my work. I want to quit. I don't want this anymore. I am tired of it. Exhausted. And it feels like I never have the free time to do what I want.

I forgot to mention I saw Public Enemies this week. Such a good movie. Johnny Depp as John Dillinger, can it be more awesome?

And now I have five more days of work. Working nine days in a row, long nights, should seriously be forbidden by law.

How it goes

The fucking flash thing can go fuck itself. Anyway, my sisters left mum's place yesterday and it's fucking lonely out here now. No playing in the pool, teasing each other, pissing each other off, going to get dvds and candy, going for random walks... Instead we have suntanning alone, watching episodes of The Hills and Skins. The Hills inspired me to go look for internship at places I really really wanna work. Like record labels. So we'll see how that goes. Two days of work, three more to go. And G texted wanting to know what my schedule looks like now. Should I answer or no? I actually have no clue what it looks like after sunday. Maybe I'll get the weekend off, like I want to, to go to Way Out West. And to meet Tom. Hehe. And in that case I'll probably work Monday and Tuesday. Or I wont get the weekend off and just work work work. Anyway. Tomorrow, work. Sat - work, then beach with friends. Sun - work (I actually open on sunday which means not too much alcohol the night before). Then no idea. And oh, Malmöfestivalen coming up. I heard Mika was coming?? And Diploma Ceremony and that Hamlet thing with Jude Law.. That will be nice.. I need these little things to keep me up throughout working. Today I closed, it was fun dancing around cleaning tables while singing and watching work mates get drunk, they were the last to leave. But before that it was murder. Now I'm going to smoke a cigarette before bed. I quit yesterday, or maybe it was the day before that. Cheerios.