There's a shield around us

"I miss my free time" - yadayada, what a whining bitch I sound like sometimes. I haven't yet fully realised that working everyday IS my life for at least another year. Well, not everyday, but close to almost. Anna called and said that maybe I needed some free time. Some time to just relax. But that would feel like a failure since everyone else is either at Uni or working. Anyway, saw Edward Scissorhands for the first time last night, can't believe I haven't seen it before. Loved it, it's such a wonderful tale. And easy to recognise oneself in it: despite all the good-natured intentions of doing good and making people happy, everything turns horribly wrong. (Yes, that used to be me). And the night before that, I was out dancing with workmates. My boss is very generous, but she might be a little annoyed at me now cause I told her about how mom blamed her for me getting shitfaced last time we were out with work. It was a joke. My mom knows I can drink well enough on my own, she certainly does not believe that it was anyones fault. But my boss seemed to take the joke quite literally, and now it seems like I'll never hear the end of this. Anyway, met a seriously cute boy, but he lived far away and I didn't want to invite him over. But we talked quite alot, serious talk, pretty cosy. Days before that, I only worked and read Harry Potter and the Half-bood prince. Still feels immensly weird that everyone is starting school and I am not. Well, I'll see my old school on Saturday when I'll be back there for the Diploma Ceremony. Mom forced me into bringing her. She will embarrass me, I know she will. And I never have time for anything anymore. Before, I was always online msn, no I'm never ever online, and if I am, it's like for 10min. And I'm bad at staying in touch, and I always feel like no one wants to hear from me, you know like "Oh no, not her again". And I'm in this weird vulnerable mood right now when I just think everyone hates me, and just want to be reassured by people that I have the right to exist. Mom calls it angst periods. But hell, what do I know... I'll stop now. Bye.