Nu börjar skolan snart. ÅNGEST! Fuck, glömde pärmarna i Ystad...
Jag kom på att denna bloggen är dagbok över nästan hela sommaren.. även om jag fortsätter nu, så startade jag den ändå denna sommaren. This summer. So much has happened. One year, forever changed. Now it just continues. Merciless, like nothing had happened, time grinds forever on, a wheel that crush everything in its way.
Tyger till mamma. Hon ska sy paljettfodral, i sann 70-tals disco anda, fett kul. Jag kunde börja planera make-up också. Mobilia sen, för vi skulle hitta en skolväska till Ester, hon börjar skolan nu, kan inte fatta att hon blivit så gammal. Känns som hon nyss var en liten bebis och låg i min famn. Tittade efter stövletter, hittade ett par som var lite, lite försmå, assnygga, men kunde inte köpa dem. Completely drained of energy, bought some food and went home to the apartment.
Cropped jacket, high-waist denim shorts with braces, kort, rosa tyllklänning med rysch, svart linne med vit fusk-päls huva, leather tights, svarta lårstövlar (Chanel-stuk), stövletter, bruna läderpumps (sandal-stuk som Marc Jacobs), ribbstickade gråa strumpbyxor/tights, naturvita knästrumpor, svarta lackpumps, beige mini-trench with belt, black satin shirt... The list goes on... And many of those things can't be found even, I have to design them myself, exactly as I want them. Problem is, jag kan inte sy.
Det blev ingen Laleh idag. Vet inte, gillar inte henne så mycket ändå.
Istället kollade jag på Music&Lyrics med Anna och dad. Helt ok. Chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. Efter det skulle pappa kolla på en dokumentär om Göring. Ganska itnressant faktiskt. Visste inte att han haft en svensk fru, att han bodde i Stockholm ett tag, att han var morfinist eller att han en tid var inlagd på mentalsjukhus.
Ska faktiskt jobba imorgon. Waow.
So warm in here, kinda stuffy. Think I'll go open the window, let the night breeze in.
Started reading random blogs. This one's a really good one, http://4thavenueblues.blogspot.com/
About overcoming alcoholism, and about writing. About where our choices take us in life, how we create our own lives. Pressure of prestige and of performing, fear of failure, often hinder us in living as we wish. You gotta have a job, earn money, have it all figured out. Status. When you don't, it's easy to panick. Why let others' judgements decide how we live our lives? Just drop that, drop the expectations of others, drop the image you're so desperately trying to uphold. You're both the main character AND the writer of your own life. (Think it was Paul Auster who said something like that. He really is a brilliant author, one of my favourites. I should read him again, excellent for TOK classes anyways) Make the choices. Don't let fear hinder you.
Here I am, writing all this. Do I live by it? Do I live as I teach? No. Not all the time anyways. Our excuse for everything: I'm only human, after all.
