My whole body aches. And I'm in desperate need of a shower. And I fell for the dirty tricks again. As carelessly and irrevocably as all the other times. But who can resist. We all have our vices, mine are smoking and gorgeous eyes. No Lex, not smoking gorgeous eyes. Smoking eyes would be so totally wrong. Even for us freaks. Speaking of Lex, I really want to see him next week. And maybe Justin again, if he will be so courteous as to allow me to stand by his side. Tonight it's Friday at TGI (ha ha) with Mags and L.
Anyway. I wish I was good with people, I have always wished that. That I could just be naturally myself, whatever that is, and be someone almost everyone likes. A likeable person. A person who by just coming into a room make people smile (in a good way). A person who takes up space (figuratively speaking) without being awkward about it. Like whatever I did would seem like such a natural and obvious thing. Like putting my head on someone's shoulder while sitting next to them. No, not think about that decision for a million years until the opportunity slips away, but just grasp the moment and put my head on that cozy shoulder as soon as the thought pops into my head because that is just a natural cause of action. Not feel awkward and wrong and think that every word out of my mouth is stupid. Not be tense as a bow and thus scale down on extravaganza and slowly become more and more boring. Yes, I wish I could read people. To see what they are after, what they expect and what they want. Sometimes I even wish I could read thoughts, however horrible the secrets you might find out about are. If I could read thoughts, would I fool myself to think foolish things and thus do foolish things that maybe I shouldn't do?
This week has felt like two weeks, and it's about to get longer. I got the job. But I don't want it. I hope I don't have to work next Friday, cause it's Korridorsfest, and I'm really looking forward to that. And I don't really know what I am feeling anymore. Let's settle for Extremely Confused.
