4.21.2008

When you don't even know yourself


Low sun, springair light playing with the cherry tree blossom. almost run over by a car as i rush into the street. don't care. my mind is elsewhere.
i would never do that to a friend. never.
sweat trickling down the back, pushing the bike into place, searching for the keys. oh no, someone's going out, i hate meeting people in the stairs. polite "hello".
elevator button. going up.
that's right, asshole. whatever you do, im going up.
getting inside the door. confused, lost in thoughts. dumping the bag.
[would never dump a friend]
shower. cold cold water. fresh towel, skin lotion. putting on pyjamas, then to the laptop.
wonder how many ive blocked, and how many have blocked me.
i promised i would quit, but the internet is too tempting.
wondering where kudde is. im worried by now.
mail from japan. finally, my charger is back. that means i can call kudde. and fake nails, seriously, i love you g.
when people leave, you realize who are worth keeping.
can't wait until summer. a will be back too.
missing a part.
anger. dont wanna need anybody.
spanish lullabies. what a trick.
goodnight.

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”