I hate to hate all the things that make me who I am.

I hate being insecure. I hate needing people. I hate that I am so not a relationship person. I hate my awkwardness. I hate the hole in my heart craving approval and love. I hate that I can't talk to anyone about the scars. I hate telling myself stuff because it makes it hard to connect with reality. I hate that people care when they shouldn't. I hate that I can't trust anyone. I hate when I eat when I told myself not to. I hate when I'm too scared to end what should be ended. I hate when I reach out to people and they just turn away. I hate that I expect anything to happen. I hate that I get bored so easily. I hate that I can't study. I hate that people don't care when they should. I hate that I care about them when they don't care about me. I hate being weak. I hate saying "I'm sorry". I hate that I gossip. I hate that I let friends down. I hate that I can't love myself. I hate speculating in circles about the future. I hate not knowing what people think. I hate that I can't play the game as well as they do. I hate to hate all the things that make me who I am. But maybe I just love it all, but it's easier to say "hate". L-O-V-E is just another word I never learned to pronounce.