Do you feel
the weight of the world
singing sorrow
or to you it's just not real?
The irrelevance of things. The future.
What will happen? Who will I be, where will I be, what will I do?
Where do I fit in? What is my task?
I want to be in Japan, in Tokyo. Miss it so much that the missing turns in to physical pain. Whole body aching of longing.
I belong there.
The mysterious nature, beckoning dimly lit lanterns outside the meiji temple gates, a winding road to wherever you want to be. Tranquil temple grounds, ancient wisdom hidden in its secrets, birdsong and sakura-adorned gardens, the sense of kami surrounding you.
Happy shouting at the ramen place, slurping from a huge bowl of deliciousness, amazing soft, white rice (plentitude!), sushi, sashimi and maki melting on the tongue (uni!). Getting lost and spending all your money in Shibuya, karaoke at Shibuya main street Center Gai, screaming and chugging beer. Walking down Takeshita Dori in Harajuku, mouth agape at the amazing, inividual styles people have, admiring their whole appearance. Gothic Lolita stores: glitter, sparkle, flowers, lace, candy, chocolate, sugary cakes and cream, strawberrys, cuddly bears and cutie animals, keroro, neko-chan and everything everywhere just so kawaii (to die for!)
Technology, the trains always on time. Take me to my dreams.
The politeness, the constant flow of phrases, exchanging respect and politeness (arigato gozaimashita!) Bowing. School uniforms. Cool jap haircuts, hair styling.
Umbrella culture. Anime.
Green tea. MILK TEA! Milk tea changed my life.
Stores open every day, and really late aswell, you can go out anytime and buy what you want. Don't have to worry about opening hours. Opening hours in Sweden sucks fucking ass. Maybe if we had the same service-minded stores open every day and 24/7 maybe we wouldn't have as much unemployment. Another great thing with Japan: unemployment is low, close to non-existent, since there's always a job to be done.
Onsen. Stay all day, all night even. Soaking in the hot spring water, herbal steam sauna, saltscrub, treatments, massage, walking around in your yukata. Shiseido. Pampering. Manicure. Crazy nails!
Sleeping on futon. Tatami mats. Eating at low tables. Chopsticks!
Standing on the left side of escalators, always nodding with a shy smile, letting those beside you pass first. The warm towels to clean your hands on before a meal on restaurants (why don't we have that in Sweden?? Sweden is a filthy country in comparison). Cute manga pics everywhere, instead of a dull sign they have almost all instructions as kawaii manga chars.
Their cute obsession with french style pastries and everything from 19th century Europe. Piano notes drifting out from car parks or stores, filling the more fancy streets (was mostly thinking of Motomachi) with 19th century upper-class France feeling. The jewel box tune trinkling out every full hour in Motomachi (think One Missed Call). The giant crows eating chihuahuas. Breathtaking views. Munching deliciousness and watching old japanese people playing some complicated crocket game.
Sake and kanpai! I'm more japanese than any other nationality. Everything in their culture appeals to me. Except maybe natto, aduki bean paste and pickles. Japanese music isn't very good either, but I let it slip since it's kinda kawaii anyways.
Safe and protected beside you.
Unconditional friendship.
Together in heaven & hell.
I belong in Japan.
Can't see how I will survive my last year on IB in Sweden.
Without those who graduate now. And with the memories of last week in my heart. The pain of missing completeness. Japan is my home, my soul is japanese, by not being there, a part of me is missing. (Now more than ever, since I've experienced what it's like to be there)
Going back! HAI!
I got a manga drawing from the japanese school girl sitting next to me on the flight from Narita to Vienna. Looking at it now puts a smile on my face.
So beautiful.
A bittersweet smiles.
And tears.
