because i love it and can never escape it.
Looks. see how shallow we are, we scroll and we go either UGLY or Oooh.
who gets the message depends on who is hotter
and who isnt, well will you be my friend instead. sarcasm.
evil in the sense that we weed out and laugh and tease and point and rofl
how terrible isnt it that you judge a person by his face
[japanese accent]
a geisha in the floating world, in the ukiyo-e
she paints her face to hide her face
she can only be a wife of nightfall,
a half wife
she never only belongs to one man
yet she is not a simple prostitute,
she sings and she dances, an artist
of her kind
the long black hair like silk
the quiet white face and red lips beckoning
her eyes as a deep pools
where you can see all her grievances
it is not for a geisha to want
sometimes you realise why you hang out with the people you do hang out with. because they're so fucking wonderful and you would never want anyone else.
sometimes you can't be bothered with other people
i could never meet up with random strangers. not unless i was drunk or smth else and didnt care
but guess thats a passtime for some people. meeting people they dont know, having fun. oh. i actually like it come to think of it, but only if i can be myself in all my crazyness. with some people you cant be that, you have to act all mature and stuff. thats why i could never be myself with people who get embarrassed.
constantly searching for good music. good bands.
want ANBERLIN2 or smth. a PERFECT band.
why do we care, why cant we shut off some things. wishing for colder coldness
dont wanna care smack about approval or what people thing. wont change a thing, the thoughts
like a fucking waterfall
expose myself, my neediness, why do i have to write that FREAK. the truth is i know why. i want the approval, i want the attention.
like a histrionic person, only difference, awareness
attention. why approval and attention. why is there a quota
maslow blabla need people to appreciate who you are and what you do and so on and so forth but fucking why.
want the coldness and the i-dont-give-a-fuck attitude at the same time as openness and easy to talk to.
theres just nothing. will you be here to enjoy the ride when the theme park shuts down
play games, tease to please, smile to gain sympathy, a facade soliloquizing fatality,
and the nervous talk, the insecurity, what to say next, the right thing, what is it. god, that was stupid just shut the hell up and lock yourself in a small dark room and pretend existence never happened.
im going to get fucking shitfaced, flirt my ass off and have a one night stand. that is one thing that will boost my confidence. dance floors always do, cause you can see how they want you. you can tease, and please and play as you want. and everyone know it's a game.
countdown has started til THE outing in K. Right S :)
cause this weekend is not a partyweekend although i fucking need one.
it's like i lost an ability.
in the night and in the dreams. does it mean anything?
does the future mean anything? does it hold as much emptiness and worrying and thoughts as now?
will it be different? will it be something else in another place?
will thoughts go away? will the loneliness creep behind the lines and disappear?
everyone is so fucking lonely. inside. i know they are. and they hate it. the hate shines through the eyes
the hate of loneliness, the self-hate. the thoughts that are never-ending.
it's like an endless guitar riff, wailing, never fading.
i can see it in their eyes.
scream. i'll laugh you in your face tomorrow, or just ignore you till you die, you deserve it anyway. you deserve it because i feel like i have to prove myself, have to push you down and scream for me, i need your hungry gaze and your dirty propositions. i need them to feel in power, but i think most of all, i need them to chase away the loneliness. it does feel good knowing someone wants you.
O says:
nothing makes sense and whats the fucking point with anything
Alex says:
Exactly : D
Alex says:
Don't ask me. I'm made out of meat.
Alex says:
Bonus: Self-aware meat.
O says:
i hate the meat. it bulges, it's dirty, heavy, full of fat, it smells, it sags and it grows old and even nastier
O says:
it has needs
O says:
i dont want to need anything or anyone
