What I like in a guy:
He's smart, which leads to: he's interesting. He can make me laugh and talks about interesting things.
He has a cute personality, which leads to: he is romantic, says the right things, is the gentleman, protects me when I'm scared, lends me his coat when I'm cold, and well you get the point.
He strokes me along the spine, hands on my back, caressing... This I see as signs of a caring, considerate person. The same with holding my hand and looking into my eyes. Also, it is really cozy. Which leads to: He has to love cuddling. I live for cuddling.
Shattered pieces that might never be replaced. After a time of being all happy-go-lucky, that is, being flumm and chill and all filled with love for everyone and everything, I now feel this familiar inward crumbling, the withdrawing, the isolation creeping up on me. I don't want to be here. I don't like the world. I don't want to face everything that is hard and ugly and wrong, I don't want to see it, I don't like it. And no one will ever see my darkest sides, and they will always be my own and no one will ever understand them. And I love my darkest sides just as much as any other wonderful side of me, and no one else will ever see them or feel them or be them or understand or love them as I do. I know you want me to be happy, but these sides never will. I want to. But they wont. I can't forget you, I know you want me to want to, I want to. And when you are gone, will I loose control?
Everything is so confusing right now and all I really need is my blanket and my teddybear. I will never be rid of the paranoid feeling that everyone is out to get me, laughing behind my back whatever I do. So therefore I return to hating the world. Because the world is harsh and cruel and laughs behind your back. Well fuck you world, you don't know me, and you don't care, so why do you laugh so much...
